Random Thoughts From A Seattle Poker Pro

Hold Steady (Check Out My New Site Pokerheadrush.com For My Blogs)

2012-01-27T10:16:00.001-08:00

I was doing more than I expected for the first three days this week, then yesterday I just totally crashed. I got cranky and was kind of an asshole, meh not kind of, I can be a total asshole. So I just went to some hole-in-the-wall pizza place with my girlfriend, stuffed my face, and then crashed for 11 hours. I feel good now.

I put in 33-36 hours of grinding in on the first three days of the week, just in MTTs. That was in addition to doing a bunch of lessons. One I did for free, actually it was more of a study session with one of my good friends, where we went over the writings of a very talented player. Sadly, it was all stuff that took me the last two years to learn, and I believe I had a hold of this two years ago. There were some really interesting points I hadn't thought of however. I'm eager to learn more.

Over the 33 hours I lost like 1k. I ran really bad and played a little soft in a few spots on Monday. I got on myself and still produced nothing on Tuesday. Wednesday I shipped a $35 180-man, final tabled two other 180 man's, won a small $109 turbo, and final tabled the $11 $20K Guaranteed.

It's funny, I felt like I had a real decent day yesterday, and back in the day a couple wins, however small, seemed to always erase two days of blanks. Guess buy-ins are bigger and more frequent, first place isn't what it was on Stars. I gotta diversify.

I got my documents in with one site and I'm on there now. I've been lazy about talking to Party. I really want on their games. I sent them my docs a few days ago, no answer. I was supposed to email yesterday but I was too busy sleeping half of a day away.

Is there something like Table Ninja for Party? Damn, I'd dig that. I'm sure there's hot keys or something, but I suck with those.

My friend just taught me how to get Amazon.com to deliver to me out here. I'm gonna load up on 5 Hour Energy and buy my huge monitor. I really have a hard time spending money on myself, but this business investment...has me excited. I can't wait to cut out a bunch of low EV Stars turbos and boot up some smaller tournaments on fringe sites. I made mad bank back in the day grinding Cake and whatever, just staying calm when the software bugged me, staying hopeful that it was pissing off other regs more than me.

Today is supposed to be my day off but so far...well I've been working all morning. Girlfriend should be over here in a moment to tell me to stop. Hopefully go see a movie or something, buy her brother something nice for his birthday.

I gotta take my crazy ass male poodle who hasn't been fixed into the doctor for his shots, and hope the guy doesn't "tut tut" me for not cutting his hair for a fortnight. Little dude looks like Speedy Gonzalez blew up into a wall of fuzz.

Sometimes the hardest part for me is just making my mind get off work. I'm an addictive person, this is my addiction. I know with a break I'll play much better on Saturday and Sunday, but I'm just not doing it. I get outside most days for my run, but I gotta slow down for a bit, enjoy the birds chirping.

I gotta get out of this office.

My Plugs: Check out my vids at Pocketfives Training, hit me up for lessons atassassinatocoaching@gmail.com, see other stuff I write with my friends atwww.pokerheadrush.com, and follow my Twitter at TheAssassinato

Check Out My New Site Pokerheadrush.com For My Blogs

2012-01-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

Can’t Sleep

Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on January 25, 2012 · Leave a Comment (Edit)

Couldn’t sleep much last night. Gotta grind.

I was never one of those MTTers who had to make every tournament or got excited for prize pools or anything. I got to the computer when I got to it. My best friends would beg me to watch their final tables and I’d tell them, “fuck off I’m going to watch TV”. I never taught my horses anything, or really watched them, even when we all lived together just for that very purpose.

Going broke helped me realize there is no law that says I have to be a poker player and that I get to travel the world. Black Friday reinforced this.

People tell me how garbage I am, how I just run good. Watching some of my recent hand histories, and seeing all the goofy spots I put myself in, sometimes I agree. Then I think back to PCA and despite coming short, there wasn’t a spot I felt like I really played bad. I was very happy with my play, but more than that, I was satisfied that I’m looking for those spots now where I can improve.

It’s good to take a shot to your ego, to wonder about the times you don’t play your best.

You know who has great self esteem? Serial killers. “I’m so great I can kill those under me.” The countries I can actually stand people are ones where the people have no ego. The Costa Ricans laugh at themselves, it helps me laugh at myself.

I’ve put in a lot of work in this game, but its not been enough. I’m not where I want to be financially, professionally, or mentally. I’m confident in my game but I have a lot to learn. It seems the concussions and drug use might not have made the most stable poker player, but I’m determined to get over this. So I have to soak everything up. I have to watch every final table my friends play and have a discussion with them afterward. I have to review more videos. I have to read more books. I need to start study sessions with my circle of friends and learn more. I need to get on myself for mistakes.

That seems to be the biggest problem lately, impulse control. I get a little tired, I feel the grind of staring at the same computer display for seven years nonstop, and I deviate from standard…because I feel like it.

You see that old timer, that old washed up tournament pro, grinding for 10% of himself in some local 1k MTT when you grew up watching him at WPT final tables. You wonder what happened. He has 13X and he set mines out of position. The scary thing to me is that guy is so grinded out it makes sense to him. He’s seen so many hands and is so immune to any possible gain he could have, because he’s become so negative and so in debt, that he just sleep walks. I’ve watched so many guys who were good just…get this way. Shoving in absurd spots and losing value, because in their mind they are always avoiding the cooler. Their positive expectations and desire to win has been grinded down to a nub of “I just want what’s mine” and then when that becomes too lofty just “I want to say I deserve it but I got unlucky.”

I’m terrified of becoming that guy, so I stay around positive thinkers. Maybe not the best players but open-minded, and smiling. I can’t change the years I played as a spastic kid who just made money from cards. I can only become a professional this year.

Check Out My New Site Pokerheadrush.com For My Blogs

2012-01-24T10:17:00.001-08:00

Loom Larger

Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on January 24, 2012 · Leave a Comment (Edit)

Had a long frustrating Monday grind yesterday. I played 41 tournaments and cashed 9 I believe, finishing final two tables…I think in three different tournaments. Couldn’t final table anything or put anything together.

I played on Merge for the first time. Got close in their high roller tournament. I really like the structure of that thing, and how they give half the prize pool to first. That’s what I like to see. I either win tournaments or flame out, so a higher 13th place pay out doesn’t really do a ton for me. I mean, I guess each system is just different, but I miss the days Stars payouts really made me salivate. Now this 20% for first and paying a third of the field stuff…its good for Stars, to just continue to keep a little money in everyone’s account so they can rake us forever, but its not helping me make money.

It feels good to get on one new site. Hopefully will have six more here within the next couple months. I’m looking forward to building my big grind cave, and hopefully moving up the rankings. Just gotta balance actual grinding with working with the sites. There seems to be a lot more verification for a pseudo Costa Rican.

It just feels good to grind at home, getting lessons in every morning to start my left brain up, getting a run through the foothills and farmland, playing with my dog, grinding sixteen tables. I can’t wait till I can play the biggest tournaments on every site, with my tricked out HUD, and just having 7k in buy-ins every day.

The family vacation rested me up to. Going to try and upload more pics to Facebook now that the uploader doesn’t make me want to pull out my hair. We went on a boat and chilled on a lake on Sunday, was real chill.

My girlfriend and I watched a movie in the mountain cabin there. It was called Lilya 4Ever. It was about a girl in Russia whose orphaned…and yeah, it was some City of God hard shit. Definitely recommended for anyone who wants to see the not-so-lovely parts of the rest of the world. Flick stayed with me the rest of the day.

I also finished this book Emergency by Neil Strauss , the author of The Game. He matured slightly, writing a book on his attempt to gear up for an economic and social collapse, after watching what happened with 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. He walks you through his journey to getting a second passport, setting up a foreign bank account, stocking up on reserves, learning how to get a knife through security, going through combat training, surviving in the forest with close to nothing, learning how to fend off attack dogs, taking a class on how to hot wire a car and pick locks, and tons of other really interesting things. Of course, the book can’t teach you how to do all of this, so its just kind of a primer on everything following Neil’s journey, and I got bored during parts, but it definitely was an interesting read.

Only problem was the book made me feel like a colossal pussy. I did work as a commercial fisherman and not live in some great areas, and played poker games with drug dealers, and survived a few fights, but…I couldn’t do anything in this book. I don’t even drive anything but a scooter. It made me wonder what the hell I would do if some natural disaster ripped through my neck of the woods. I wouldn’t be prepared at all. Unfortunately I don’t have the time to obsess over that. Well, things seem pretty stable anyway. And my home is a fortress. The book did give me a lot of ideas for classes I wanted to take over the next ten years.

Check Out My New Site Pokerheadrush.com For My Blogs

2012-01-19T07:06:00.001-08:00

Remember That

Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on January 19, 2012 · Leave a Comment (Edit)

Yeah, that 14th in the PCA stung like hell, especially after I had the chip lead with 20 left or whatever. Yeah, the PCA was awesome.

Sometimes I feel like there’s so much to say, and I have all these expectations of what I should write down when I get to the keyboard. Then all the thoughts come at once, which means none come out at all. I don’t want to write that much. Sleeping is much easier. Staying in my thoughts seems natural. To admit what’s going on in your head to an audience means you’ll have to take responsibility for the more senseless spirals.

Sometimes you just gotta take advantage of your delirium while you have it.

I woke up at 5:00 AM today to clean my house. When I’m frustrated about what I can’t control in poker I find something I can control. The PCA took a bite out of me. Close calls make you demand rhyme or reason, when there’s frequently neither. The questions crept up in my head. “Why couldn’t it have been me?” Why couldn’t I win the flip? Why did I do that? Could I have limped in? I wanted to limp/call. Nobody’s telling me I made a mistake, but is that enough for me? Why out of the five times I’ve made the final two tables of a Pokerstars live Main Event have I only made one final table, and a seventh at that? What am I doing wrong?

I didn’t feel the pain like I did with other close calls. A part of me has matured (miraculously). A part of me concedes, “I gave it my all, leave it at that.”

But it was so unfinished. Watching another guy hold the trophy again. Not even taking that final table photo. When I had the chip lead early in the day. Six figures couldn’t have hurt.

70k though? For 5 days work? Looking at the Caribbean from your comped honeymoon suite? Kid, get over this competitive bullshit. You’re a lottery winner.

I wouldn’t be a player though if it didn’t bug me. So I started managing what I could manage, punishing what I could punish, completing what I could complete. First day back in Costa Rica I put in 10+ miles of road work, putting in 25 push-ups every mile or so. I’d ordered a lot of big meals in the Bahamas, and it felt good to move my body again, work off a little of that good living.

Coming home I took a hard look at my mountain dwelling. My peaceful abode had turned into a dust up cluster fuck. Leaving the windows open all year while I grinded was great for smelling the mountain air, bad for keeping out bugs that would die and drift behind boxes, bad for keeping out dust and spores. I’d taken care of everything on the surface but pockets of the crap were hiding somewhere, probably in my storage. My storage and files still looked like I planned to be in Costa Rica for a summer while I was watching over my horses, not like I’d been here for two and a half years. My storage, to the left of where I grinded, just had boxes and receipts laying everywhere, piles of cords, broken electronics, Casterboards with burnt wheels, so much crap I’d taken to leaving a refrigerator box to cover the door so I didn’t have to look at it. On the shelves behind my desk were just layers and layers of documents, not categorized at all. My book cases had stacks and stacks of magazines and random books, some without covers. My DVDs were in a pile underneath my TV. All my cleaning supplies were falling out of a closet. My Christmas tree was still up. The floor underneath my bed had gotten stained somehow. My clothes had fallen over in the closet and made a pile. Stray socks dotted the loafs like sprinkles.

This wasn’t where I wanted to grind. It didn’t look like the peaceful respite it once was. How could I be calm and organized mentally with this developing catastrophe around me? If I wanted to move sometime soon how the hell was I going to hand this over to the owner? Nobody had complained about my place. My girlfriend’s aunt comes by once a week to clean, and it always looks decent. I could have waited for her help, she would’ve stacked everything again, cleaned the floors, it would have looked decent. It’s just all the messes had become too damn tidy for me. I was sick of covering over them, wondering why the hell I picked an arrangement that fell into chaos so often. The truth was I hadn’t picked any arrangement. I’m always lost in my thoughts, lost in the latest game, a book, a meeting, whatever. I’d produced from this desk, but I’d paid no attention to my environment. I hadn’t placed any pride in a home I’d lived in for years, because I was always moving four months later.

I wanted to feel like “this is my pad, this is my peace, this is where I get to work.” So I just took everything out. Everything off the tables and desks. Everything out of the storage. Everything out of the boxes. Everything out of the medicine cabinet. One room at a time. I filled up six trash bags. I labeled and filled five boxes for my storage. I dusted every surface, then swept the floor under it, then mopped it with disinfectant. I made that hard wood shine. I consciously thought about how I wanted to organize my clothes or my books in my little library. I thought about where I wanted my tooth brush to be in the morning.

When the place looked like a house my gay friends would want to live in I knew I’d done it. It took fourteen hours, but I enjoyed how exhausted it made me. Laying down on my couch, looking at an office I would love to work in, I just felt good. I felt pride in my surroundings. I loved my house. I was happy to be home.

In the process of cleaning the whole place my frustration left me pretty much entirely. My body felt spent from the run the day before. My mind felt clean through exhaustion. My surroundings made me calm.

I seemed to get some guidance from outside sources while I was cleaning. I put on my headphones at one point and put on the new Vakill. I sorted through things, mentally and in my house. I’d been thinking at one point, “you know I’m going to be 24 here in a few days. I thought I’d have a live win or a Sunday major win by now, and I don’t have either. I got the Second Chance, but the Million, the 1.5 Million, The FTOPs, the San Remo final table, the 750k…I couldn’t close out any of them. I don’t have the money from any of those finishes too because of my awful business decisions and drug addictions. Damn, I really messed up. I could’ve been really set by now.”

Then I swear to God, the second I thought that the lyric came on, “…none of my niggas lived to see 24.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivEBvq7uMgU

I listened to the album a little closer. Vakill doesn’t really glorify anything. Just talks about what he grew up around, how he went from moving drugs to music, and how both bent him over at different times. Even though he doesn’t make much it’s clear he’s just grateful to make music, to be alive.

This guy, this poet…I mean I’ve listened to him for a while, and he’s just so talented and intelligent. He deserves to travel the world to spread his message. His tracks can be soulful or just a blur, just an exhibition.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N04x0LGqgSQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33DPR0Si24Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGeoi9gFXhM&feature=related

Yet a guy like this doesn’t make anything anymore. No one makes anything off of music anymore. He seems happy to just get by, but you don’t hear him bragging about exotic vacations or having stacks. He’s just grateful to be doing what he does, even if he doesn’t get to leave Chicago too much. What kind of spoiled brat am I to travel the world and be frustrated I got reeeeaaaalll close to 2 million, but instead got 70k for 5 days work. I don’t think these guys make 70k a year between album sales and ruthless touring. They make like 20-30k, or not even that. They all have other jobs back home when they’re not on tour. They put their heart and soul into their work, and they know they’re most likely never going to get shit from it.

Feeling grateful now that I realized how ungrateful I was, I decided to catch up on the Adam Carolla podcasts I’d been missing on the road. The first episode I tune into he goes into a rant about his lowest moment, when they announce its the Northridge Earthquake anniversary.

http://www.adamcarolla.com/ian-edwards/

He goes on to say when that happened he was living with two guys in a shithole apartment, he’d quit his improv troop because after years his acting was going no where, his face had broken out into a herpes, and he was getting into screaming matches with his girlfriend and her mother who were squatting at his apartment. He was making fifteen bucks an hour as a construction worker, had no insurance, and wasn’t going anywhere. He’d turned 30 right then, and that seemed to produce the charge, the “wtf” moment, because he assumed at 30 he would have a good idea where his life was headed.

He said three months later he met Jimmy Kimmel. His whole career got started.

I got done with cleaning the house and went to eat with my girlfriend. Just slabs of fresh fish, vegetables, rice, beans, and plantains. All for less than $4.50 a plate. Just another luxury I take for granted. We went to a friends house and beat up on Mortal Kombat arcade mode for a while. Think I’m gonna buy one of these modded PS2s here pretty soon.

I come home and my girlfriend’s uploaded all these pics from Bahamas. Us hanging out at this old Nassau harbor, me playing the main event, pics of our suite and the view. We didn’t even get pics of the night we celebrated Jaka’s 3rd place finish at Aura, or when we went to the fish fry and just drank Sands and ate conch. I mean, it trips me out man. I say it a lot, but this whole life still dumbfounds me . I feel dumb for ever getting mad at the close calls, when we get to go to Asia, Latin America, Europe, and all over the states. We get to compete for a living, like the athletes we watched growing up.

Just getting to compete each day to me seems like such a blessing. Every day I can change my life. Through hard work and study I can change my future. That’s not true for so many people. They’re born into a bad situation or they put themselves in an unchanging role they’re not satisfied with.

I want to put in the study too. That 70k helped out. I got the money I’m used to being able to use online, expenses paid for a while, and whatnot…but there’s still a long way between where I’m at and where I want to be financially.

I opened up the WPT and EPT pages, but honestly I don’t see me going to many of them. It’s just so much time and money for one donkament. You have to run so well to win any individual tournament. Live tournaments should be the crown jewel, the reward for a long grind, for getting in that six figure profit online. Over and over again, live has just bled me. I think it’s taught me a lot about the game, and yeah…if a few of these close calls had gone a little differently maybe I’d have A LOT of money right now…but that’s not what happened and I can’t think about what could have happened. What I do know right now is that I am in a spot where I could finally use the money I make from poker wisely. I’m not fucked up all the time anymore, I thankfully still have no dependents, I’m able to work for much longer periods of time than before, I have a lot of money to play with…it seems like its time to put in that real grind, that pure grind. Keep the buy-ins low and the volume high, put in the hours.

I plan on getting the biggest monitor I can find in Costa Rica, and getting money on every site with a worthwhile tournament. That’ll require me going through the weird verification process that comes with my pseudo Costa Rican residency, which admittedly I’ve been pretty lazy on when my online roll and grind weren’t going so great, but…this close call got me hungry. It’s time to charge. I have the whole network set up and I have the support I need. I have the peaceful grind pad. I have financial security. I have physical and mental health. I just need to do it.

I’d also like to see me actually go for a P5s ranking for once. I’ve never put in the volume to make a run for it. I should try, at least once.

Working from home more would also help me do other things besides poker. Doing a mental inventory I realized two of my major frustrations from last year were that I wasn’t devoting time to much else besides poker…and I still felt like an infant speaking Spanish around here. Right now I’ve been in touch with one of the better institutes. My girlfriend’s grandmother provides housing for Spanish students from around the world, going to myriad schools in the area. She says this institute gets people speaking Spanish the fastest. I am awful with languages, but if I plan to live here as long as I want to its a necessity I start speaking Spanish. If I’m gone all the time for live events I’ll miss a ton of classes…and I’ll be putting 10-15k up a month on one tournament shot…so again, live looks less and less attractive.

Of course if I wanted my best shot at just making a mil I’d take every 10k I could play, but I want to grind out what I always make online and piss away live, and invest in myself. I want to build some security before I take the big shots again. I want live events to be fun, and not what my life hinges on.

You know that 14th frustrated me but it was the kick in the ass I needed. Also just reading how many people were nice enough to write something on my Facebook…I didn’t even really check it out till the other day. It was crazy how many people were nice enough to write me a positive comment on my run. Makes you feel real lucky, real loved. Thank you so much if you took the time to write a positive note. It’s really nice to have that kind of support.

My Plugs: Check out my vids at Pocketfives Training, hit me up for lessons at assassinatocoaching@gmail.com, see other stuff I write with my friends at www.pokerheadrush.com, and follow my Twitter at TheAssassinato

Check Out My New Site Pokerheadrush.com For My Blogs

2011-07-23T22:09:00.002-07:00

You are here: Home > Blogs > Alex > Tormos (Poker For Sale)

Tormos (Poker For Sale)

Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on July 24, 2011 · Leave a Comment (Edit)

I compare my style to a retard on a motorcycle.

And that’s pretty much all I got tonight folks. And I stole that line from Virtuoso. Just kind of rang true to me about how I feel. I have a lot of irons in the fire right now. I’m on the phone all the time, in meetings where I’m threatened with legal death if I ever talk about anything. I’m managing three emails addresses with my manager/assistant. Not that I’m complaining.

I’ve always liked the name of high school. That resonates with me. That’s what I was up to. Then I just bummed my ass around Seattle, Seoul, St. Julian’s, and finally found a home in San Jose.

Work is my addiction now.

I really am glad I’m keeping to blogging once a day, like I said I would, but I fear this blog will become too much regurgitation. I just keep it vague, “I’m busy”, and don’t realize how boring that is.

Here’s my deal: I’m cash busto because of the Full Tilt thing compared to where I was a few short months ago, but I’m fine. I have pieces in some companies. One is doing well. One is tanking. One might explode. I’ve cashed in my affiliate chips for pieces in something bigger. I have no problem paying the bills because I can sell videos, lessons, articles, and whatnot.

It’s nice to be diversified, because while things like Full Tilt come up, and I’m actually not able to produce a lot of cash at the moment, I always can pay the bills and have a pretty relaxed life, which was why I got into this in the first place.

However, there was a simplicity when I was younger to just waking up, jogging, and then grinding for 12 hours. Yeah it got old, but man, when I started, and I’d never made that kind of money before, that was fun. As you get more used to it the excitement begins to fade, which is a sign you’re handling it more professionally, but it also means the youthful exuberance is done.

What I find joy in now is feeling like a professional. The same satisfaction I get out of playing a tournament my hardest I also get from feeling like I used every hour of the day effectively.

I like to feel like an effective professional gambler, which means diversifying your bets. Put an hour into this company (long term bet), an hour into this (short term/quick return bet), put a couple hours into working out(lifelong bet), etc.

The last few days have been hectic. I’ve been trying to focus most of my energy on what could be the biggest project of my life, but the other businesses keep popping up.

How did I get here? Wasn’t I just a kid who played cards?

I like the feeling of being unable to work anymore. I like to feel like I earn my free time.

Check Out My New Site Pokerheadrush.com For My Blogs

2011-07-23T22:09:00.001-07:00

You are here: Home > Blogs > Alex > Try

Try

Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on July 22, 2011 · Leave a Comment (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

I went to my girlfriend’s father’s place today. The man always makes me an incredible meal, and tells me stories in Spanish I can’t understand while he smokes a pack of cigarettes and drinks rum and coke. He also takes the time to try and teach me about art. As an art collector, he has a lot to show me in his house. Just incredible pieces.

I’m listening to a lounge music. I play my shit so loud they can hear it in other countries. I just ate some Carribean food. Saw my girl for a minute. Feel good.

I’ve put in about four hours of work this morning, but now I need to do three or four more. My problem is without a list of stuff to do I quickly lose track of what I’m doing. So I’m writing it down here, my burst of things to do:

Write back on Facebook
Write the other investors
Write the other other investors
Check that I’m not out of meds
Answer emails
Take it for a test drive and report
Take care of those dishes

That’s all I can think of right now. The last time I posted on my blog a list of stuff to do I nailed all of it in one day.

My ADD is a bitch. If I don’t know what to do right away, I just trail off.

I typically work 10 hours a day these days. And I’m not even back on Pokerstars yet.

I still seem to be prone to mood swings, I’m just better at containing them. This morning I was jogging, and just thinking about the possibilities of everything I was working on, I just slowed down and looked over the foothills of Costa Rica, and felt super appreciative. Later that day, after sitting and unsuccessfully trying to understand Spanish, for the 24925th time, for three hours at my girlfriend’s father’s house, I was going home with my girlfriend and couldn’t find a taxi, realized I left stuff at the house, and then she wanted me to come over for a family gathering. I felt frustrated because I had to say no, because I honestly feel an urgency so taut in me to work every day, some sick need to create, build, make it work.

Then I felt swamped and screwed. I’ve been working my ass off since I was 18, but when I went broke at 22 for the first time in my career, I really got working. Every single day I was putting in hours. I made so much between teaching and grinding MTTs. Hundreds of thousands over about a year. Then, I ran bad on Stars for a long while, then I let everybody pay me back on Full Tilt, then I swapped out some of my Euro account balances for FTP money, because I wasn’t grinding much cash anyway. All normal procedure, what I’d done for years. Just there was a month or so I left the money in Tilt before I cashed out, mostly because I was being lazy, and I had to change banks recently because of the Washington state stuff. I didn’t feel like writing emails and being on the phone for hours explaining the nature of the wire. So I did what I always do: I put it off for a week or two. Right as I was gearing my ass up to finally do the necessary paperwork and get it done, yeah, Black Friday happened.

It’s totally my fault, I should have never trusted that poker site, but it’s very frustrating. I feel like a year of work has been yanked away from me. It’s been three months now and we still seem no closer to a solution than at the start. I’m pissed at myself for my inaction, and my inability to find a person to transfer the money to while Americans still had the ability to withdraw. Now the site’s completely offline, which can’t be a good sign.

So I’m right back to where I was a year ago, cash poor, with a bunch of projects going on that I was funding. It’s not just the money in Tilt I might lose, it’s all the money I’ve invested in other projects assuming I could handle whatever new costs came up.

Between all my horses, my accounts, and everything – it’s such a large number. Years of hard work for normal people.

I know I can build it up again. I just feel exasperated. I know I should be thankful for what I have, but since Black Friday…I mean I just knew things couldn’t keep going that well. I made like half a million online in the first third of the year or something. I was sober for the first time since I was 17, I was secure financially, I was happy with my personal life, and I was crushing. I just fucking knew something would happen. The cynic in me wants to go “nothing gold can stay.” I was feeling minted, great, on top of my game, so secure financially. I had left large sums online since I was 17. I knew I had to cash it out, I just had the WA state stuff come up, I had it across so many different sites in case something like this happened, then for one fucking month I had 90% of it on Tilt…and then this…of course.

I expect no sympathy. It’s just since Black Friday a couple projects of mine have tanked or gone awry or I have lost control with the other people who were working on it with me. I was doing lessons, and having my friend take the transfers on Full Tilt, so they could pay me in cash, and then the fucking website just goes down? I went out to the WSOP and just ran horrible, and then I felt so off my groove with all this going on that I made some boneheaded plays.

All I can do is try. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YjtwCxgOik

It’s just upsetting when you’ve been doing something for 6 years, you have no college degree, and all you’ve worked for and the entire streak you were on just comes undone in a couple short months. Not that this hasn’t happened to me four times before, it’s just weird when it’s not of my own doing.

I’m just thankful I can still eat a good meal, spend time with my family in Seattle, chill with my girlfriend, and live in my wood house up in the mountains. Just…you know…the swings this industry has handed me over the years never cease to astound me.

I guess I just gotta be thankful for the hard times. This is all crafting me. Making me more resilient. More grateful. It’s challenging my love for the game and the grind, and I’m feeling up for it still. As long as I stay sober and on my game I will crush it.

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2011-07-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

Why It’s Going To Cost Me $100.00 A Day If I Don’t Blog

Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on July 20, 2011 · Leave a Comment (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

Shitting Abroad:

I used to scoff at people who told me “I have to be at home to use the bathroom that way.”

I thought, “what a fucking American invention. Somebody, somewhere, is praying for clean water, which isn’t catching disease from cow shit, and in the states we can’t defecate unless we’re comfortably on our linoleum thrones at home.”

Then I got home today. And I took my first real shit in weeks.

I feel cleansed. I feel reborn.

New Commitment To Blogging Positive Material ($100.00 a day for every day I don’t blog):

I’ve made the deal with Jack Welch that until I wrap up at next year’s World Series I will contribute one thing to this website per day. If a day goes by where I don’t write something, post one link, post one picture, something…I will give a $100.00 to charity.

Also, I do not feel the need for transitions. I can provide more content if I simply head every section and jump to every place my mind seeks to go. It was more difficult to write from the idea of “here’s what happened during my day (often boring content here)” and then “here’s what it made me think of.” Often I didn’t want to explain how every thought came to be. I had more fun just writing any thought.

This is my more relaxed writing. I’m done playing poker as my sole venture in life. I have been and will continue to be doing a lot of creative writing privately, which hopefully one day I will publish. There, in that form of writing, I have to provide transitions and write for an audience.

My goals with blog writing have always been to just straighten out what I’m thinking. There are eight trains of thought crashing in my mind at any one moment. Writing forces me to straighten out my ideas into one objective. It’s my line check.

I can read what I’m thinking. That’s powerful.

What’s not been powerful is my need to write. I was a writer before poker, and really I think I’ve been slacking on just practicing writing every day, getting my thoughts on paper. My anti-psychotics make me far less vindictive and angry. I feel like I have a lot less to get off my chest than before.

I also was dismayed at how repetitive I felt like every blog would turn out, but that was more due to my lack of energy and execution than a lack of material.

It’s also more difficult to write when you can call your family and they’re all doing well and want to talk. You can also go to your girlfriend’s house and have a home cooked meal and relax with them for a bit. That and I’ve taken to just laying around and reading more books, finding other author’s edited and refined novels far more interesting than the repetitive blather I was writing for a while.

It was far easier to write when I was alone with my thoughts in various apartments around the world.

Twitter, Gmail, Facebook and Youtube are also the death of productivity at the computer.

It’s so hard not to hit the “open new tab” button.

New Direction:

I have been at a loss for what to write for the last couple months. I struggled with my old format, of writing about what I did that day and then going off on random things. I also had less free time. When I did get some time to myself it seemed lame to rehash what I was Twittering about anyway. It also just seemed I’d start writing about my day and I’d forget about all that I originally wanted to write. There was a general lack of direction. My old blog was based on venting about all the crap going through my head, as I was grinding my way up.

I think that’s what attracted many people to my old blog. Many people were writing about the scores. Not as many were writing about what really was going through their heads. I tried my best to put it all out there. My insecurities, my fits of overconfidence, my errors, my almost unsettling need to win, my foreign trysts, my chemical imbalances, the chemicals I injected to tilt the balance in my favor, and so on, and so on.

Living sober, having a steady girlfriend, getting properly medicated, and feeling more relaxed with my place in the world…I kind of ran out of things to write in my old script.

I started reading through all of Jack Welch’s stuff. Really, you guys are lucky, just given how this site is Jack’s baby. He has so many things to say that open up your mind to how you’re working, how you’re playing, and how you’re living.

I realized I didn’t like my lackluster approach to blogging lately. I wanted to set a goal with blogging…and set other goals. I noticed a lot of people online had a lot of success with achieving their goals by blogging about their journey each day. I guess I’ve done that, in a roundabout fashion for years, but this year’s WSOP made me really want to refine my goals and work that much harder.

So I want to do a more focused blog, about what goals I want to achieve, and what my plans of attack are going to be to do that. When I am stretched for time I think it would be a good practice just for me to set goals for the next day, and reflect on how well I achieved my goals for the day before.

Doing it in a public format, I imagine my drive to achieve my goals will go up, because I don’t want to be that guy who publicly states what he wants to do and then doesn’t do it.

It forces me to be a little different, to quit being so comfortable. I’ve always set goals for myself privately, and achieved many of them, but lately…I don’t know if it’s financial security or what but I’ve just felt myself getting somber.

Then I don’t even have financial security anymore, and I’m still too relaxed.

I need to fire myself up. I will use this blog to do just that.

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2011-05-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

You are here: Home > Strategy > You Like My Shove Here?

You Like My Shove Here?

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on May 6, 2011 · View Comments

Full Tilt Poker Game #24978312556: $22,000 Guarantee (1r+1a) (193159485), Table 25 – 6000/12000 Ante 1500 – No Limit Hold’em – 19:47:23 ET – 2010/10/24

Seat 1: rjmgrace (611,820)

Seat 2: TheAssassinato (438,006)

Seat 6: werpennstate23 (206,836)

Seat 7: krasark (214,482)

Seat 8: Pageh656 (480,951)

Seat 9: healey87 (162,784)

rjmgrace antes 1,500

TheAssassinato antes 1,500

werpennstate23 antes 1,500

krasark antes 1,500

Pageh656 antes 1,500

healey87 antes 1,500

werpennstate23 posts the small blind of 6,000

krasark posts the big blind of 12,000

The button is in seat #2

*** HOLE CARDS ***

Dealt to TheAssassinato

werpennstate23 has been disconnected

Pageh656 folds

healey87 folds

rjmgrace folds

TheAssassinato has 15 seconds left to act

werpennstate23 has reconnected

TheAssassinato has requested TIME

TheAssassinato raises to 436,506, and is all in

werpennstate23 has been disconnected

werpennstate23 has 15 seconds left to act

werpennstate23 has reconnected

werpennstate23 folds

krasark folds

Uncalled bet of 424,506 returned to TheAssassinato

TheAssassinato mucks

TheAssassinato wins the pot (39,000)

*** SUMMARY ***

Total pot 39,000 | Rake 0

Seat 1: rjmgrace folded before the Flop

Seat 2: TheAssassinato (button) collected (39,000), mucked

Seat 6: werpennstate23 (small blind) folded before the Flop

Seat 7: krasark (big blind) folded before the Flop

Seat 8: Pageh656 folded before the Flop

Seat 9: healey87 folded before the Flop

I use this hand history often in my lessons to show off a common error that many MTTers make.

What error could I be making however? IT’S UNEXPLOITABLE BRAH. WTF YOU WASTING MY TIME WITH?

In my opinion I made a mistake in this hand because by shoving I fold out the hands I really want to play with me. There’s a very good chance both opponents behind me, with both around 18x, will jam over my button open with a weaker ace than mine. Having my opponent dead to three outs is one of the best spots I can have. If we race off the chips with my statistical advantage, on average I will earn more chips than what I would get just picking up what’s in the middle right now. Therefore, the higher-variance yet more profitable play, is to raise and call.

While this does increase your variance, I also think it will reduce it in later spots. When you button open, your range is less polarized, because you’ve shown you’re willing to raise/call lighter. I’ve noticed some of my opponents elect to not shove into me with much when they see this. If I show I’m shoving my marginally profitable hands, and raise/calling my better holdings, some guys love to shove on my opens all day.

Yes, it is profitable if you shove. What hands should we be more inclined to shove however? I think the smaller pairs and hands like Q-10 suited are what we want to shove here. It’s unexploitable, and we will fold out several A-x and two overcard combinations that would have pretty decent equity versus our hands. In this instance, where we are often a slight underdog or barely better than a flip when we get called, we don’t mind shoving and reducing our variance. It’s less likely we will get our money dominating our opponent’s holding.

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2011-04-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

Yummy Cold 4bet Spot

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 29, 2011 · View Comments

I’m currently benched right now because of the online poker crap, which really sucks since there were going to be so many great events to play from home, and I didn’t really feel like traveling to the series.

To keep myself sharp I was going over some hands today, and also working with a student. I came across this hand, which I thought could be educational.

Full Tilt Poker Game #29805379499: $75,000 Guarantee (227887854), Table 31 – 1000/2000 Ante 250 – No Limit Hold’em – 00:46:06 ET – 2011/04/11

Seat 3: holdplz (99,221)

Seat 4: TheAssassinato (88,770)

Seat 5: viirusss (53,455)

Seat 6: aks47 (56,668)

Seat 7: cristinalindley (99,754)

Seat 8: HalcyonDays (39,972)

Seat 9: RenRad 01 (130,402)

holdplz antes 250

TheAssassinato antes 250

viirusss antes 250

aks47 antes 250

cristinalindley antes 250

HalcyonDays antes 250

RenRad 01 antes 250

viirusss posts the small blind of 1,000

aks47 posts the big blind of 2,000

The button is in seat #4

*** HOLE CARDS ***

Dealt to TheAssassinato

cristinalindley folds

HalcyonDays folds

RenRad 01 raises to 4,625

holdplz has 15 seconds left to act

holdplz raises to 12,345

TheAssassinato has 15 seconds left to act

TheAssassinato has requested TIME

TheAssassinato raises to 26,400

viirusss folds

aks47 folds

RenRad 01 folds

holdplz has 15 seconds left to act

holdplz folds

Uncalled bet of 14,055 returned to TheAssassinato

TheAssassinato mucks

TheAssassinato wins the pot (34,065)

*** SUMMARY ***

Total pot 34,065 | Rake 0

Seat 3: holdplz folded before the Flop

Seat 4: TheAssassinato (button) collected (34,065), mucked

Seat 5: viirusss (small blind) folded before the Flop

Seat 6: aks47 (big blind) folded before the Flop

Seat 7: cristinalindley folded before the Flop

Seat 8: HalcyonDays folded before the Flop

Seat 9: RenRad 01 folded before the Flop

HAHAHAHA LOOK AT ME I PWN SOULZ! YEAH!

No, for real, I didn’t post this to toot my own horn. This is just a really good spot, and I think its a good example of what to look for when you try to pull off this high-variance, high reward move.

Let’s look at some elements that made this a solid 4bet spot.

Position: We are on the button, so if anyone chooses to flat us they will be playing out of position for the rest of the hand. This will deter action hopefully, and raise our opponent’s fold percentage.

Renrad’s Range Facing A 3bet: Renrad is an aggressive tournament player who goes for the win, so understandably he’s opening wide here. According to my statistics over 300+ hands he is opening 21% of hands from MP. I believe his actual raising range here to be higher given his chip stack and how he was playing in this tournament.

Over 14 trials he has folded to a 3bet 50% of the time and flatted 29% of the time. This isn’t overly aggressive. My sample size mainly consists of midfield tournament play. He was playing a little more aggressive on this day, so it’s possible he’s 4betting more. However, he is also opening more hands, so its possible this increased 4bet range is offset by a wider raise/fold range.

Holdplz’s 3bet:

Makes a lot of sense here to do without much of a hand. The stacks are great for it. It’s difficult to 4bet/fold or just shove over Holdplz’s 3bet because he is effectively playing a 50 BB stack. A 50 BB shove is huge, but flatting OOP will not yield a ton in implied odds.

Table Flow:

I felt strongly when this hand was played that Holdplz had been waiting for a spot to 3bet Renrad. Renrad had been opening even more than his already aggressive numbers suggested. The speed of the 3bet didn’t feel strong to me. I don’t know if that’s bullshit but sometimes I feel like you can get a feel for those things. It was a great spot for Holdplz to take, and he’s a very aggressive/talented tournament player, so I know he is going to take it often.

My Hand:

I do like it because if anyone does decide to hood flat us we have a hand that’s going to hit several flops.

How Often Does My Play Need To Work? How Often Will It Work?:

I am risking $26,400. $48,120 will come back into my stack every time my play succeeds. $26,400 will be lost when I am incorrect.

26,400/48,120 = 0.548 so my play, without cards, needs to work 54.8% of the time to be profitable.

I think Holdplz is 3betting a wide range here, and not 5betting a considerable amount of it. I am risking 26.4k to win the 21.7k out there, but to defend against my 4bet Holdplz will be forced to use his entire 80k stack. Mathematically it is not really feasible for him to 4bet/fold. Renrad will have to risk the same amount and still has to worry about Holdplz’s 3bet range should he decide to defend against my play.

Considering all of these things I think it’s more likely my play will work 60-70% of the time here, and is therefore profitable.

Hit me up at assassinatocoaching@gmail.com to book a private lesson.

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2011-04-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

Head Check

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 28, 2011 · View Comments

The following is an e-mail conversation on Black Friday before we received the news of the USA government’s shutdown – for all practical purposes – of online poker. Even as an ex-pat, I have limitations on my play. But, suddenly, much more time for learning and teaching and growing and getting better. And what’s the harm of that? As Jack – and a bumper sticker he saw – says, “Don’t get bitter, get better.” – Alex

Alex: Thinking about my use of time a lot. Like today I spent time with my girlfriend, but the poor thing had to go argue with the government with me to get my internet line installed in time for Jaka’s visit. We got time for some other stuff, which was nice, but then I came home to work.

Jog, gym, 2,000 words, lesson with a student, 20 e-mails, fight with Taca airlines, talk to the account, and damnit…not enough time!!!

Jack: What about transitioning to heads-up cash, for example? Something less time consuming and historically more remunerative. Last year, we talked about PLO….

Alex: But I love big hold’em tournaments. And that’s what I’m good at.

Jack: On further reflection, seems like you might want to hold off on any “radical” changes before WSOP. Keep working your NLH MTT game for the next two months. Ideally, you will crush WSOP and then return to CR with a fresh outlook. For a man who wants to do so much & so many things, just seems to me we need to look at income generation which does not consume so much of your time.

Do you really want a FTP sponsorship? Is what you are doing now likely to earn you a sponsorship? Wouldn’t a bracelet get the job done??

You have the story, the experience, the charisma, now you just need to give the big sites a specific reason why they have to sign you.

In the end, we are seeking balance, fulfillment and happiness, are we not?

Alex: It’s not that I am playing cash because I feel I have to. I want to. I have statistics on seemingly every player who plays 2/4 now. Spotting a fish is so much easier. That’s good income during the week when I don’t want to log a full MTT session. I just think MTTs are not the most profitable thing in the world. How much money I actually have compared to what people think I have is insane. Exploring cash before gave me insight in how to exploit MTT regulars. I hope the same is true today.

I just want to know I can do it, too. Cash games are a new challenge, and I feel like I’m catching on really fast.

I’ll get a sponsorship at some point. I don’t think playing cash is going to expedite the process. I need to be more forthcoming with the sites. I’ve never written a formal e-mail to anyone. I guess I should be more interested in that.

I feel like I am really happy with my current situation, considering where I was last year. I’m at the peak of my abilities and, financially, things are amazing. Now, it’s just adjusting into my new role as web site owner, teacher, cash game student, and MTTer.

I was thinking as I was writing this e-mail, I need to literally purchase myself time. I am feeling stressed because I can only get six hours of sleep a night and only see my girlfriend for a minute if I want to get everything I want to get done done. So many times I’d rather be writing or studying, but I’m answering bullshit emails.

Jack: Benjamin Franklin said simply, “Remember, time is money.” Purchasing time is a great solution. You can earn far more money doing what you do best – and enjoy – than you’ll spend hiring somebody to clean up after yourself.

Alex: I need to hire the maid to come more than once a week. I actually don’t mind cleaning up once in a while, but my schedule doesn’t allow it anymore. I’m literally washing my underwear by hand because my washer broke and I haven’t had the time to go pick up the obscure replacement part.

What I really need is a personal assistant. I have a separate e-mail address my girlfriend was using when she was doing that. She did a good job but she has her own practice open and yeah, that takes time.

I could send the e-mails there and have my assistant make a report. I could call the assistant and say verbally what I want written for each email. I could send the assistant on assignments. This would just be the start, but it would be incredibly convenient for me. I’d also enjoy having someone help me with stuff that’s just not cost effective for me. I’m having a dispute with TACA airlines over my deportation right now and the more time I spend on it, the less it’s worth to me. Every hour is incredible money wasted, and now I’m losing money on the deal…it’s just the principle of the matter. It’d be much cheaper to pay someone to write the necessary emails for me. It’d also help to have someone working on my legal rights here in Costa Rica.

The question is, where do I find this person? I could post something to my blog, offer to exchange money and lessons, but I have a general distrust toward many poker players. Still, this person would probably understand what is going on much faster. I could inquire at the university my girlfriend attends, but then it’s unlikely I’ll find someone who writes English as well as I desire. However, this person could run around San Jose for me and do my errands. I could also look for an agency that does it online, then there would be a company to complain to in case the person ever boned me. Unfortunately, I’d have to probably explain many of the nuances of poker to this person.

They all have their pros and cons. I guess I just have to do a little research.

Jack: Check out http://www.agentsofvalue.com/services/virtual-personal-assistant/.

Alex: I’m checking out: http://onlinepersonalassistant.com/pricing/ Looks pretty affordable. Let me see, that’s about $30.00 an hour, right? So, I’d have to pay this person for 5 hours of work before it ate up one hour of lessons I do.

What the hell am I doing? I should have done this months ago.

Jack: Hold it! How much are you going to pay? I have a lot of free time, you know?

Alex: My girlfriend would probably love that my assistant not be a young chick.

Jack: I am so not a young chick.

You can reach my new assistant at assassinatocoaching@gmail.com. Tell Jack I sent you.

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2011-04-26T23:30:00.001-07:00

I’ll Never Get Out Of This World Alive

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 27, 2011 · View Comments (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

How do you make money out of the sky falling?

Feeling brain dead. Great time to write.

I’ve stopped drinking a beer at night when I’m blogging because I was noticing it made me tired. I feel a lot more alert just drinking water.

I got a good work out in during the morning and got to hang out with my girlfriend and eat a homecooked meal, but since then I’ve been trying to answer the question. What money can I make from the sky cracking? Where’s the money leak?

Leatherass made a great point. He said that so many American grinders have stopped learning right now. Every step you take educating yourself now can be worth so much more, because the other guy is doing nothing. You can distance yourself now.

Yet I’m not doing that. I’m consulting with a company. It might turn into something. It’s just weird going from poker player to working in the business. Of course that’s where a lot of the money is. The first millionaire in the California Gold Rush was the guy selling the shovels on the side of the road.

I’m thinking of changing how I do lessons. I’m going to cook up some lessons meant specifically for new live players, just pick out hands that come up all the time in a live game. Go through specific live reads/considerations. Maybe I can help my fellow Americans right now.

Jack Welch has some great ideas as well. He’s my head coach. We’re working on a lot of business ideas right now. He’s pretty damn savvy. He keeps your mental in the right place and directs your business toward logical and sustained growth.

I woke up at 7 AM today. It’s midnight now. I’ve been working for most of this day. But hey, I can’t complain. It’s just a weird schedule when you get your free time at the beginning of the day and work till night. It’s the opposite of what most people do.

I’ve been working on my book too lately now that playing poker isn’t as much of an option. I feel like I’m freerolling the rest of the day if I get 2,000 words written in the manuscript. It’s increasingly difficult to use my right-brain for a select period of time each day. The rest of my time right now is spent analyzing the industry and consulting, watching over my investments, looking over my newest abandoned horses, grinding non US networks, working new deals, Pocketfives Training videos, teaching, and the new process of getting set up in Costa Rica. It’s all incredibly left brained.

I’m shooting off 20 pages of business emails a day. My job is get in, get the facts, process, move forward, communicate, get out. I have no idea how I got this job. It’s paying well, even during prohibition, but I was always the kid who would trip on pills and read comics on the bus all day, on my way to Chinatown to play fun card games and do naughty things. I got really bored with everything constantly. I have the worst attention deficit you could imagine. I needed drama, or for my life to resemble something that could be written about. So I built drama. I tried to live crazy ass stories. I succeeded sometimes.

Now I’m just at my desk all day. I’m domesticated.

I’m very happy, don’t get me wrong, but writing has changed. I feel like I am using muscles when I write that never get used. When I go to actually play poker and not just discuss it, I feel every synapse firing. I’ve been analyzing and now I’m continuing. With writing and creativity I just have to stop, breathe, and act like the rest of the world is not going on.

Writing makes me think of the quirky things inherent in day-to-day life I don’t dwell upon. It makes me realize how many little life moments I just let pass by. It makes me feel a little insecure about the path I’m taking. Analysis brings you money, but creativity brings you perspective.

It made me think of a what a Costa Rican professor said here, that the more knowledge you obtain, the less creative you become. How could this be? You must have more subjects to draw upon? Yet it makes more and more sense to me as I battle trying to be creative during a busy work schedule. My thoughts want to align themselves into formulaic patterns. I gloss over or thoroughly understate important moments in the narrative. I have a harder time thinking outside the box.

I was listening to Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers today while I was lifting weights. He brought up how poverty-stricken students in the USA lose so much ground because during summer vacation they are in an environment that teaches them nothing. He referenced a school program in the states known as KIPP which conducts class as if it were an Asian school. Instead of a 180 day school year they approach countries like South Korea (220 days) or Japan (242 days). Their test scores skyrocket. Impoverished children are going onto college more and more often.

It seems like a resounding success, but I read one time that South Korea has the highest number of PhDs per capita and the lowest number of Nobel Prizes. Well, in first world countries or something. If that’s true they’re clearly not striking that balance. They’re not providing free time that allows their right brain to decompress and stretch its legs.

Yet one look at my friends and I’s retarded asses trying to figure out trigonometry in high school is all you need to see our system isn’t that great either.

It’s just so hard to strike that balance. Especially with my obsessive tendencies. Even when I’m walking through the country here my mind is on business. I want to completely let it go and be one with the nature, just to engage my creative side. Maybe a break from the problems will allow me to see things from a new perspective.

Drinking, smoking, or my anti-psychotics do not alleviate the anxiety. My mind races. I’d like to make it stop but I’ve accepted I’ll be like this my whole life. The pills help me maintain and harness it to make me work harder. That’s the best I can hope for. That and to learn from the lessons I’ve been given, and figure out a way to harvest this storm.

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2011-04-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Dord Garbage

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 26, 2011 · View Comments (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

I’m officially unemployed.

I’m listening to The Dust Brother’s Fight Club soundtrack. I’m lethargic. I really should be deep in FTOPs, but alas, no dice. I’m feeling worn out from the last few days. There’s been so much coming at me since this whole Prohibition thing started. I’ve had so many business ideas, phone calls, and mostly problems. My horses are all fired, moving money to kids I work with is gone, and FTOPS is gone.

That was so tilting, driving home at 7:00 AM from the beach to play FTOPs, getting in, signing in, and finding out US residents, even with a Costa Rican ISP, can’t play on Full Tilt anymore.

Multi-entry FTOPs with Euro guys and Brazilians. I was so excited to play.

I just learned excited here in Spanish always means something sexual, so I feel weird using that word now.

I tried to go to the beach for a couple days to relax, but that only semi-worked. I left my computer at home, because I was sick of that kind of communication, only to find out I was terrible at human-to-human communication as well. I don’t know what I’m doing man. I always find ways to piss off people.

A large part of it is my fault. I got taught some bad habits. I’ve also been on edge with all this happening. I still have a lot of money stuck, and people are saying to me, “we’re not sure how we’re going to get this to you.”

I get tired of when people think I’m some lucky as hell. Yeah, financially I’ve done very well, but ugh, I am retarded when it comes to working with people. Making sense of it is like reviewing nothing. Making money is easy to me. It’s just about putting in the hours and varying your bets. With people, I just sit there going, “Why did that happen?” and not really having a great answer. I’m dumb about how I treat people, and how I should expect to be treated.

Yet I’m understanding I constantly think someone’s trying to fuck with me, and if I just took a moment to hear people out things would work out. Instead I just get irate.
I’ve been busting my ass for so long, it’s weird not to have work to go to. Whenever I feel socially unfit I just play cards. It’s easy. Bet nothing when the expectation is low and make larger bets the more assured you are of positive expectation. Trying to decipher how the people around me are trying to talk to me…man, I suck.

The beach was fun however. Faraz Jaka came out with me, and we ran into Antonio Esfandiari of all people. It was real good times with good people.

My girlfriend, Jaka, and I all played UNO at one point. I thought it would be a fun experiment, to see how many strategy considerations I could cook up. I also thought it would be a good exercise to get me thinking critically about a different set of problems. I held onto certain cards because they could reverse high-variance plays pushed against me, and I counted the numbers as best as I could to remember what number to put down when I didn’t want the color to change. I tried to memorize what cards players couldn’t play with. You can even figure out what color they have plenty of by the speed of how fast they put a card down.

The problem was my girlfriend hates losing and is pretty bright, and Jaka’s pretty damn good at anything with cards obviously. You end up just screwing everyone over when everyone is playing tactically correct. You never give anyone an easy card, so everyone’s drawing all the time. Halfway through everyone had 50 cards. We played for three hours and didn’t get anywhere near finishing.

At one point the family we’re friends with in the area drove us out to see a river in the rainforest. Swimming at the base of a waterfall in crystal clear water really helped me decompress. And avoid thoughts like…

I really should have hit the withdrawal button a week ago on that six figures like I originally planned to.

It’s sick to listen to Eminem’s “Music Box”. It’s like getting the second Relapse album I was promised. I liked him when he was flushing out drugs.

Full Tilt is saying they can’t account for how much was seized by the government, and we’ll need to wait while they work with the DOJ. Obviously I understand that that could be an issue but how is Pokerstars paying out? Why was Full Tilt banking my money in a country that had proved hostile to them before? I mean, what they practice isn’t even legal there. Maybe there’s something I don’t understand, but I have a large amount on Tilt, and this is pissing me off.

I likely will get my money. I guess I’m just scared at the prospect of starting over again. I had to do it a year back when I went bust backing, and it took a year of hard work, putting in 60 hour weeks, and breathing this game 24/7 to get back to a really respectable number. Now I’m worried about having to do it again.

The other night I went out to one of those views you just have to drink in front of, the one with all the city lights I tried to get a picture of for this blog. I kicked an empty bottle of rum around, letting the enormity of the city under me to provide its jaggedly lit comfort.

The streetlights in San Jose are different than the states. They don’t line up perfectly. They’re dark orange as opposed to light yellow or medium orange. They’re all different heights. You can see them lighting up streets that are crowded during the day. No one crosses the cracked concrete at night.

I’m scared of starting over again, but I’m not going to let that phase me. I have money in some European sites, and some absurdly weird networks for an American to be on. I’ve been told cash outs will eventually happen on Stars, so that’ll help cash flow. I can do lessons. I have offers for some business ideas that have sprung up in light of this. God, it’s just that gleaming big number that’s in limbo that’s scaring me. But I should be thankful. There’s a lot of stateside grinders who’ve lost everything.

It’s ridiculous that I can spend all day working still even though so much of my money is frozen and I can’t play tournaments anymore.

I just need to see this as an opportunity. You know, for a moment I was glad I couldn’t play. It gives me an excuse to get sorted out here and refocus. I’m starting to work with a new person whose helping me running some side business. I’m going to work out every day up until the WSOP, since I’ve gained 20 lbs since the start of the year. I can write recreationally. I can read much more. I can work on new business ideas. I’m going to pull this one out like I always do.

Maybe I’ll just relax a little.

Check Out More Content At Pokerheadrush.com

2011-04-18T21:07:00.001-07:00

Are You Really Surprised?

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 19, 2011 · View Comments (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

I haven’t liked being American for a long time.

I recently had to waste a lot of time opening new bank accounts in California because my banks in Washington state now recognize me as a felon. However, I’ve been informed if I do not pay my taxes I will become a new kind of criminal. Well, that doesn’t make very much sense to me. If you would like to tax me I would like representation, or for my craft to at least be legal. You do not get to tax me, as if everything were fine, and then turn around and declare what I do illegal. You do not get to stand and declare my job immoral, to claim that offshore gambling sites provide the means for money laundering and teenage drug addiction, and then pay yourself from my paychecks. That’s hypocritical horse shit.

I was able to play on Full Tilt today because I live in Costa Rica, so my money has not been taken by the feds, or frozen. I am assured I could get my money into a foreign bank account by Stars, and I really really hope that turns out to be Full Tilt’s stance as well.

What makes me sick is this is just bad for everyone, the government included. When you make a service or product illegal which is high in demand, you do not diminish it’s influence much unless the punishment is substantial. In fact you might make it more seductive to the targeted field because it is no longer accepted by the main stream. All you accomplish is removing control of the industry from yourself, and placing responsibility in the hands of what often becomes the criminal sector.

Not that Full Tilt or Pokerstars are criminals, but what they’ve been forced to do in order to continue to service one of their biggest markets does make them more criminal. However, I’m sure they would jump at the chance to be legal in the United States instead of jumping through all these hoops.

I’m convinced that politics is a game of dick waving between incredibly shortsighted men. Whatever means most for short term gains is always approached. Rwanda had no short-term gains, so it was ignored. Iraq and Afghanistan have several short-term gains, so there we are. The education system has no short-term gains, so ignore that shit. Wall Street corporations will keep funneling money into the hands of politicians, so help them out.

What we have here is a new way for a new wave of careers to get boasted. Pokerstars and Full Tilt were just too seductive as targets.

I find it hilariously transparent that they did it right on tax day. They wanted you to withdraw your funds to pay their salaries before they acted, knowing fully well that your account would be slightly less accessible for tax dollars afterward.

I wouldn’t be shocked if some big land-based casino is not “campaign contributing” for all of this. Clear the market right before possible legalization so they can get a greater market share.

Not at one point do I ever think the US government would even consider myself or many of my friends might be dependent on these sites. I have no faith in anyone looking after me.

I don’t understand it, nor do I care to. All I know is this year was feeling like my year. I’d had two six figure scores and an additional five wins outside that. Now a large portion of my money is frozen and it’s a huge pain in the ass to me. I get to call a lawyer here in Costa Rica and expedite my residential process, which I was half-assing previously.

I’m not really worried, it’s just a huge hassle, and incredibly annoying. I hope we don’t have to wait for our money for a long time but I highly doubt that given I can play on Full Tilt and Pokerstars and setting up withdrawals for me. It just seems to me that Pokerstars and Full Tilt thought it would look bad if they kept going with it. Probably wouldn’t do a lot for future bids to get legalization.

Maybe I can take this as a wake up call to invest my money in some other things.

I see a lot of potential for me to make money off this. And I will. It’s just a new set of problems which I’m not ecstatic about. Playing online hasn’t been the same, and it’s not just because I can’t play on Stars yet. The fields aren’t as massive, and there were a ton of bad USA players. I think we removed a bunch of good regs, but the best will find new ways to play…they have no choice. This is what they do. The mediocre and worst won’t continue to play. The fields are smaller and still not incredibly good, tables are decently softer sometimes, but I really love huge fields/prize pools in online poker. I don’t know if it’s going to be that soft after this, but it’s not going to be as exciting. FTOPs is kind of “whatever” now. It’s still very profitable and I’m thankful for that. I just wish I could withdraw from an e-wallet credit card like they can in the civilized world.

Check Out More Content At Pokerheadrush.com

2011-04-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

Draw Large Sums From The Crown

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 15, 2011 · View Comments (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

I try to keep myself busy all the time. I feel like when I’m being still that opportunities are passing. The downside to that now is feeling swamped. I have more lessons on deck than I know what to do with. I have videos to send Pocketfives Training and videos I told myself I’d do months ago. I have databases to update. Cash games on different networks to play. Writing that needs to get done. And every day, 50 new emails. And 90% of them aren’t about anything, but I’ll offend someone to hilarious levels if I don’t answer right pronto.

I’m always shocked at some of the dumb shit I get. Like I understand somebody introducing themselves to me and just trying to get a word in, or talk lessons, or thank me for something. I can’t hate on the source of all my bonus income. I feel real blessed and I hope I express that to those people. Naw, what drives me insane is people I KNOW PERSONALLY just thinking I can bullshit with them for two hours a day. Like I’m not important at all as a person, and I bring on my work load, but what do these kids do all day? Like, wow, I would love to just sit around, smoke weed and talk shit about MTTers, but I have shit to get done. And you should too in all honesty.

And all those MTTers you talk shit about are probably better than you. Sorry.

I added every poker news outlet, BBC News, CNN, and a bunch of comedians to my Twitter “follow” list, only to discover things still asplode in the Middle East, and a bunch of people I really don’t care about are making money at poker.

I hoped it would give me something interesting to talk about, but no. Nothing to discuss. Nothing to blog. I care about nothing. I’m selfish.

Except for Selbst and Mercier going back to back. That was ill.

Okay I’m done feeling tired. I just was staring at this blank page and was thinking, “god, why is it so much harder to write now?” And I realized I was stressing about all these IMs I’m ignoring and emails piling up.

I need an assistant. But I don’t trust anyone. My girlfriend used to take care of a bunch of emails and that made things way easier but she’s got her own career.

I’ve been reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. It’s a real fascinating treatise on many of the misunderstood origins of success. That man just does research and paints a story better than so many people on the market. I used to guffaw at what he charged for a lecture but my god can he write.

One of the interesting points he brought up was how every successful person ran into opportunities and had the werewithal/hours logged in order to take advantage of them.

Check out a small excerpt. No really do it, because I’m not rewriting this.

http://www.gladwell.com/outliers/outliers_excerpt1.html

14 of the 75 richest people who ever existed came out of one generation in a single country. All of them were very hard working and smart people, but their timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

I love the book, just for how incredible a writer Gladwell is, and honestly I wish I could get four or five more excerpts for this blog post, but I’m really enjoying it because Gladwell’s investigation reveals to you how much really goes into a successful person.

I consider myself ridiculously lucky as is, but I’m extremely appreciative after reading this book. Gladwell just really points out how good one has to run in order to do well in this life.

One thing Gladwell expresses is how low-income families and middle class families differ in parenting tactics. The lower class hates/fears authority, teaches the child to never assert one’s self in front of authority (or get what they need from a teacher/doctor/boss/company), and allows the child to just grow without much encouraging or discouraging. A child who likes to sing is just a child who likes to sing. The parent doesn’t go looking for a way to construct that into something productive.

My family, as far as income brackets, always came in as low income according to the welfare office. Yet my family didn’t have the trappings Gladwell described. There were books everywhere, and my family made frequent trips to the library. My mother and father often expressed how they thought I could do anything (although granted, there were definite periods/actions that would get this message mixed).

It got me thinking. Many of these middle income families really schedule their children’s time after school to see that they do well. That’s all well and good but the underlying message is always “get to college with this”, which I think teaches you that you learn for profit.

My mom would just get so engaged with ideas. She’d talk to me for a long time about what she thought about so many things. She’d challenge my opinions.

I always found it odd people from better socio-economic backgrounds didn’t do as well at poker as I would expect given their education. Yet, Gladwell brought up how middle income kids are taught a sense of entitlement. Which is good when they need to assert themselves in a rigid workplace, but I think perhaps detrimental in poker.

You need to become engaged with ideas in poker and love solving an unsolvable puzzle. There’s a ton of repetition and hours of boredom. So many guys I know from a good background think they put in their hours, like school, and then get a grade, their earnings. I still study several hours a week, and I’ve been making money at poker since I was a teenager. I never could stop learning. Yet they think there’s supposed to be some plateau where they always win, because damnit, they’re smarter than other people!

That’s another thing. I meet so many kids from great upbringings who just think so highly of themselves. Most great poker players I know think they’re idiots. Well, maybe not idiots per se, but completely capable of great error, and vigilant to prevent that error.

That’s not to say poor kids are great at poker. It seems to me there’s more kids from middle income families in poker. The great ones just had parents who taught them to question themselves.

I find it so funny when players talk about being unlucky. Being born human was pretty damn lucky. Being born in a country/family where one could afford a computer was even more lucky. Having the free time to play a card game all day is tremendously lucky.

So I guess I thank my parents for never asking if I took the SAT or ever making a big deal about me applying to college. If I was busy filling out applications I could have never started cashing checks at 17.

Twitter Notes (Check me out there at TheAssassinato):

Laptop batteries are such obvious examples of planned obsolescence. I refuse to believe these things break after six months naturally.

I love it when people tell me to “never talk shit with person X again” and I have no idea who the fuck they’re talking about.

I’m dumbfounded by all the people getting so hyped up to see Poker After Dark. Like, I just wish so badly I loved poker that much still.

KARDASHlANS KARDASHIANS

by TheAssassinato

OMG Civil War is trending!!!! I always knew the Civil War would happen!!!!

Drinking potent ass coffee and sitting on my porch, writing. Went to get backup internet today and was stonewalled by Costa’s BS company ICE

Got my 2,000 words in. Being stable as I am now, that should be my only goal every day, since writing seems like my natural next thing to do

Just got an email from TACA airlines that the deportation was my fault and their charging my credit card without authorization was fine. I find it interesting that no one at the embassy agreed with them, and my passport was just fine, when they said it was crap. Court time!!!

Finalizing my taxes, going over HHs with students, yelling at Taca Airlines, getting my backup internet installed, reloading accounts…

Fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches and black coffee.

davechappelle Grape Drank

by TheAssassinato

I don’t think the U.S. has ever really been to the moon. We can’t even get Detox from Dre, how we gonna leave Earth & fly to the moon?

Got a good lesson in with another Pocketfives Training member. Took a Spanish lesson that was decently productive. Off to San Jose. Generic.

Watching Breaking Bad, eating platanitos, and drinking an Imperial, because I’m just not on my A game today. Also waiting for my database.

No matter how bummed out I am about the day, there’s always cranberry juice, seroquel, and the Adam Carolla podcast.

Started the day with Krakuer, road work, weight room, Special K with strawberries, juice, and coffee. Feeling way way better.

@goodrocktunes Check out www.pokerheadrush.com for some pictures of the landscape and my place here. Ty for your interest!

Taking a breather from 8-tabling 2/4 for a minute. Running really well today. Good trance helps:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcvywmIw4Gs

Up six buy-ins after three hours and 1,500 hands. Really feel like I’m starting to put all these new ideas together.

Played another 800 hands with my friend Felix watching. Unfortunately dropped five buy-ins. Played bad/ran bad. Up 1 buy-in over 2k hands

ad a nice home cooked meal and watched some bizarre Spanish comedy. I didn’t understand half of it but was still dying.

Check Out More Content At Pokerheadrush.com

2011-04-12T23:37:00.001-07:00

A Few Initial HUD Tips

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 13, 2011 · View Comments (Edit)

A friend of mine who I talk a little strategy/life with over emails asked me for some specific tips on how to use a HUD. I felt everyone could learn from what I had to write to him…

One stat that’s really helpful in MTTs is Fold To Steal. If you raise to three times the big blind from the small blind, and the big blind is not defending with roughly 40% of his hands, then your raise is instantly profitable. You can fold if you flop quad aces on the flop, and still be profitable. It has to work even less with antes involved. So if you see someone who is folding more than 60% of the time to a steal, this is a person who you can raise any two cards against.

Remember however, a player might fold less to a small blind raise than to a button or cutoff raise, also classified as a steal. There is a specific statistic in the HUD options of Hold’em Manager to see how often they fold to a SB raise. I like checking this statistic even better, but Fold To Steal is a very useful statistic to start getting used to.

Another that is really helpful is Fold To Continuation Bet. A continuation bet of half the size of the pot has to work 33% of the time in order to be profitable. So, if you see someone with a large sample size of hands, who folds more than 33%, than you can bet. If someone folds less than that percentage of the time to a continuation bet, you can check.

That is the basic idea. Of course, you have to adjust according to table dynamics, your image, and most importantly the texture of the board.

Looks can be deceiving however. 40% fold to continuation bet might seem like enough, but in my experience this tends to be a dishonest player. Leave yourself a cushion. Look for a person who folds 50-60% of the time. This tends to be an honest player, because you hit the flop roughly one out of three times, and that’s about how often this player is continuing.

Check Out More Content At Pokerheadrush.com

2011-04-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

Take On The Nelipot

Written by Alex Fitzgerald on April 12, 2011 · View Comments (Edit)

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

I final tabled the $1.5 Million last night, i.e the biggest fucking major of the night. Obviously I’m happy I made the final table, but I’m really frustrated with finishing 8th. Well, not incredibly distraught, but of course it irks me. I’ve gotten very close to some major online wins the last few months and just haven’t been closing the deal. I’ve won a handful of 100rs and $162s, which is real real good money, and I’m very blessed with, but you get into this game to win the majors. That’s the dream. I had the chip lead with 13 left or something, and I really felt like I was playing my best poker. I thought I had a great shot to win it. I lost a flip with Brainwash though, and then I ran my 88 into his JJ. Not much I could do there.

I had one jam spot at the final table a few of my friends told me they didn’t like, but the guy’s raise 1st numbers were insane, so I’m not losing any sleep over it.

Really I’m proud of that these days, that poker is in it’s place, and I love it, but it doesn’t rule my life. A year ago this kind of finish would’ve ruined my week. I still lost sleep over my 8th place performance in the multi-entry 100r (I was so spewy) but I couldn’t care less about yesterday. I gave myself the best chance to win the tournament.

It also helped console me that I took down the 75k guaranteed. I ran absurdly well in that tournament versus some great players. I’m really dumbfounded by this year. I’ve won the 75k twice, won three 100rs, took 3rd in an FTOPs, and 3rd in a 5k side event. I really feel like I’m in the best place I’ve ever been, with my game and my life. I’m really chilled out in this mountain home of mine in Costa Rica. I love just reading here and drinking the potent coffee they got, smelling the mountain air and the pine. The people I’m around are really positive. It’s had a tremendous effect on my game. Finally getting medicated for my obsessive tendencies and attention problems was also a lifesaver.

The only problem with the medication is it makes me a little too chill. Before I just had an edge. You could always call me up to party, and I’d always do the stupid shit to make the night more memorable/piss off your friends. I’d jump into the ocean during winter. I built some stories. Now all I want to do is sit on my ass, play cards, and read. I used to wake up in the morning just jumping out of bed. Really, how many people do you know who do that? I literally almost ran out of my bed and into my running shoes, getting outside. Now I’m human. I’m groggy as hell when I wake up like the rest of the population. It’s good because I don’t chase highs, and I really really enjoy poker and relaxing now, which makes me easier to live around. The only problem is trying to find that excitement again, that balance. Poker does a lot for me, and I loove my job, but I’m addicted to adrenaline.

It can be real simple things. Like when I was doing LAPC and the 5k Bike Big Event this year I was chilling in this Super 8 that was for truckers. I could afford staying real close to the venue, but I’m cheap as hell, and Super 8 was 50 bucks a night and had a weight room. I got my adrenaline fix just walking on the train tracks and in those neighborhoods at night, or jogging through that city. You’re in a new place, you’re out there to make money, and you’re keeping your heart rate up.

When there’s routine that’s dangerous to me. We’re all addicts to something happening, something changing.

Maybe I need to take up mountain biking or something.

Man I’m lucky as hell, I could just take a plan to some mountains in South America and learn to snowboard.

You get into this job for the freedom, but the better you get at making money the more addictive it is. That’s why you need breaks and little adventures to keep your head on straight. Addiction’s a problem because you’re not seeing things right. When you’re a little detached, but still obsessed, then you get a fair view. You have to come at it with a lot of energy and be excited for it. You can’t make poker the only thing going on in your life.

So yeah, 50k+ day. Man. I run so good. I’m running incredible this year, I’ve gotten so many suck outs. I gotta stay humble. You change five hands I’m still struggling. I hope I can take this momentum and push further.

Twitter Notes (Check me out there at TheAssassinato):

Lets stop saying the differences are small. The GOP refuses to deal unless we defund Planned Parenthood.#womenunderattackindc

Woke up at 7:30 AM, got a jog in, and hit the weight room since my arms are painfully skinny. Now, empanada + coffee + more 2/4 grinding

Got snapped off in a huge bluff. If I could’ve seen the guy’s hand I would’ve made the same bet. No one snaps off the overbet in tournaments

Getting served at the poker table and in the classroom. Feeling much more confident with my Spanish. My vocabulary is growing every day.

Just got some fresh squeezed juice, fresh fish, rice, beans, a fried egg, and platano for $4.40. I’m so spoiled living here.

Got a lesson done with my student from Israel. Skype call had some static that sounded like some Close Encounters Of The Third Kind shit.

Banged out the first draft of my newest Bluff article. I actually studied some neuroscience to write this one. Hope you all enjoy it.

I’m in the hood like juice and food stamps.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrXFrWxRTRo

Just finished an hour of video reviewing my 75k win for Pocketfives Training. I’m wiped out now. Going to eat and watch a movie w/ my gf

Hung out with my girl for a bit and watched Daybreakers. I think that might be the perfect B-movie. B-movie plot gaps drive me insane though

“When you want to win a game, you have to teach. When you lose a game, you have to learn.” -Tom Landry

Just played a couple thousand hands of 2/4. Didn’t really feel like much went my way, and it’s obvious I have a lot to learn about cash.

It’s nice having a girlfriend who never asks “how much?” after I say I had a losing session. I forget everything way quicker.

Had a good time with my girlfriend and her brother last night. Also got a lesson done with Portuguese MTTer. Playing some 2/4 right now.

I believe in the good of people for one simple reason. No matter what country I’m in when I smile; they smile back. We all want to be happy.

Congratulations to @NeverScaredB and @HotKarlMC for final tabling EPT: Berlin. You dudes are way due.

Watching training vids. I can’t believe how good some videos I’ve already seen are. I was so stupid years ago. How did I not absorb this?

Spent a couple hours studying how to use my HUD more effectively. I’m incorporating a new database into my HEM. Feeling much more confident

You know how I know I’m really truly American and always will be? Just the physical action of swallowing any kind of pill calms me down.

Jogged through the mountains when it was raining. Felt like Rocky with my hoodie on. Such a great natural way to chill out.

Started the morning trying to finish this Krakuer book at my local soda. Just me in my Adidas sweatpants and a bunch of farmers in there.

Yo it’s game time! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp-cqJJ9Y8w

I’ll make you roll over in minutes like cell phones.

Sweet 26 tabling. Feel like I can’t bust anything/build in anything. All good.

Got robbed out of a 400k stack deep in the $162, then I robbed myself of a stack deep in the 50r. Whups#thataintwinning

“My therapist said working with me is useless.”

Lost a 330k flip in the money of the Sunday $500. Blah. This poker thing is hard!

The game is it’s own high.

3 out of 9 going into the final table of the 75k. First is 27k

Shipped the 75k vs. my friend Holdplz. Now 8/9 at the 1.5 Mil final table. First is 300k+!!!!

Oops. Lost a flip at the final table. Sigh. I really really really wanted to keep playing. I love major final tables. Ty to everyone

Just fell asleep during the day at my girlfriend’s house, then watched The Town. Ben Affleck 100% redeemed himself from the J-LO bullshit.

Check Out Some Interviews Jack Did With Me For P5s

2011-04-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.pocketfives.com/blogs/assassinato/who-hell-you-assassinato-586463/

Good Night Moon

2011-04-06T23:24:00.000-07:00

San Jeronimo, Costa Rica

“That’s why you fucking went bankrupt.”

***

I was feeding my girlfriend’s dogs today. I started thinking, how many years would a dog or cat shave off the end of it’s life in order to receive the ability to operate a can opener?

***

I feel some weird sense of…caution that I don’t normally feel writing. For those of you who never followed me on Random Thoughts From A Seattle Poker Pro, my original blogspot, I pretty much just write what I’m thinking. I literally don’t reread what I write. TranquilChaos calls it free association writing. I really just feel like it’s mental vomiting.

I wrote for a living before poker, and by living I mean as a teenager I got enough money to buy Adderall and beer by selling video games I reviewed.

I said things before that got me quite a bit of hate mail. I cared when I was younger, because when you’re young you’re stupid like that, but eventually I realized hate mail was pretty easy to delete.

That and I started making more money than a teacher does in the states, and most of the people around me seemed to not be too annoying. This seemed like a place to be somewhat appreciative from. Although all humans are wired to want more.

Now though these blogs go up on Pocketfives Training. Damn, if I wrote what I used to write on my private blog and just announced to more than my small reader base, that would be pretty damn gutsy.

I’ll do my best not to water myself down.

Unfortunately I seem to be quite dull these days. Wake up, do lessons, work out, grind cash, grind tournaments, hang out with girlfriend, write on my website (www.pokerheadrush.com), study Spanish, read, drink a lot of coffee.

Yet I should really be working right now. I feel like my game is so much more stable since I sobered up and got medicated. I really do believe online poker is going to be legalized again in the next couple years. I mean, look at what all the sites are doing, lining themselves up with stateside casinos. That can’t be an accident.

I’m delirious as I write this. Been a long good day. I did road work through the country, and had some cows walk with me down the road. I got to watch the sun come over these rolling hills in the country of Costa Rica. It was real nice. Till this jackass came stampeding by on a horse that kicked a rock into my face.

For all two of you who care what I do during a typical day I copy/paste my Twitter notes at the bottom of blogs. It’s really just a record for me. I like to see how I’m allocating my time during a day.

I’ve donated money to this charity which I’ve had interest in. They essentially build houses for poor families in third world countries. Real simple but nice places for hardworking people. My boy and I pitched in to build one of the houses. Before I started promoting them I wanted to go down and watch a house being made, meet the people in the organization.

It turns out they’re opening a youth center on one of the dates discussed. The guys running it invited us to it, even though it’s a semi-exclusive event. My friend and I said we would go then.

It seemed like an awesome plan till I realized...

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2011-04-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I hate ever complaining now because I just feel like it’s a waste of time, and nobody really cares. I have a pretty damn good life, and I don’t like focusing on some negative things that can come up. However, the last couple days have been trying.

There’s always a few hundred things I need to be doing. Off the top of my head, I need to cash out money with that affiliate, ship money to the states, get going with my lawsuit with Taca over my deportation, make sure my taxes are finalized, pay back my friend, send one student his overdue lesson, put up a new gallery on my site, finish a video I’ve been working on for P5s training, fix this Powerpoint, get back to about 50+ emails, and…oh yeah…at some point remember to study poker and actually make money at it.

Not that I expect sympathy for this workload. I brought it on myself and in general am pretty happy with what I’m doing. I’m happy with my opportunities. Granted, I was stoned out of my mind for three years and now apparently have a couple different jobs, so that’s been an adjustment, but I’m willing to deal with it.

Today was just a pain in the ass. I forgot my OCD meds, which made me nuts, my sinuses started acting up, and the zipper on my pants wouldn’t pull up. I went to go take a shower and my water wasn’t working, a pain in the ass that comes up from time to time in Costa Rica.

In the middle of all this I had a couple people close to me just going off on me on not being able to be available to them all the time, or to have everything ready exactly at a certain time.

I already work pretty much all day, and feel guilty when I’m on my laptop till about 9:00 PM when my girlfriend finally convinces me to get away.

I think sometimes people feel insecure about what they’re doing, and when things have just gone so well for you in your life they expect your output to just be so mistake-free. They expect flowers to fly out your ass when you fart and for you to never spill ketchup on your shirt or forget where you left the keys. It irks me because really…I didn’t get to financially stable being great in a working environment…I was always in my head trying to put the pieces together of some puzzle, and that led me to what I’m good at.

Today was a good lesson really. First I proved to myself I could go apeshit on people still, so apparently I still have a pulse. I’ve been taking new meds to calm my ADHD (emphasis on Hyperactivity) and I was worried they were making me a pussy. I just couldn’t find fault in anyone anymore, and I think that’s what led everyone to get on my shit. Now that everyone remembers I can be a dick the order is restored.

What is that with people? That was something I could never stand with business or dating. If I said “yo, this is me, take it or leave it” and was nice to people only a select good few would respect it. But holy shit, if I treated everyone like crap and acted like my time and attention was more valuable than their’s, everyone just falls in line. The second you let up and are nice to people they start acting like you owe them something. Pffft…

I did feel bad about...

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