Everybody has bad days. The idea is to get value out of your valleys. Stack the mundane duties you needed to get done on top of each other. Your sluggishness is secondary – you were not supposed to enjoy your down day.
Write down what you did and read it back. If you took advantage of a day you felt off, then you can make the best of any day.
When you’re on, know that you’re on. Take everything down that’s in your path.
There’s a few windows open, always, when I try to write. There’s something more pressing. There’s something more going on, vibing with the constant allowance that “this blog is not that important.” Yet, what would I be doing right now if people didn’t feel like they already knew me?
My fiance went to a doctor’s appointment this morning in La Sabana. I went to go see my new accountant. Later on I will discuss with a lawyer how to go about the remission process of Full Tilt. Later, I will call someone who needs to do something for me stateside. Then, I will get on my email account and sort through my automated program’s new booking requests. At some point I will need to sit down and respond to people’s email. I haven’t been able to look at my personal email in a couple days. There’s a 100 new messages in it. Undoubtedly, a good chunk are junk mail, but the scary part is how many aren’t. Then another 20 emails in the coaching page per day, Facebook and forum private messages, wheeeee this is getting fun.
I love my life to the fullest. Do not take this as complaining. I just get bewildered at Assassinato Inc.’s existence. I’m no one. An idiot by many standards. If I hadn’t been born to an English teacher and grown up writing I don’t know where I’d be. Thank God for the frail superficial undertones that plagued poker for so long. A rambling nut job got more credit than he deserved in that climate.
The obvious answer is to hire a secretary. Try teaching someone who hasn’t played poker for years to respond to my general emails. In reality, it doesn’t take that long. The personal touch goes a long way.
People in one country I was living in took bets on when or if I would die. I’m not saying that to be hard, but it’s a testament to how rigorously stupid I was. I couldn’t stay sober for literally more than a couple hours for years. To go from that to managing a business and working with tens of people is – wow, it’s an adjustment.
You just have to hang on, even when you feel like a kid who has no idea what he’s doing. All the confusion and stress is a good thing. To cancel out those negative emotions means to accept mediocrity. You gotta move with it.
And move with it I have. I am very happy with where all of this is going.
Written while looking down from a high horse:
I was reading Beyond Opinion this morning, a compilation of essays by Christian Apologists. I was reading through Sam Harris and watching some of his speeches last night. Dawkins is impressive. This man is not. I was so bored by the, “duh, you can see what is good or bad” logic. Dawkins puts it together much more convincingly. Science could define right or wrong in a more definitive light. This behavior leads to this level of mental illness, this behavior releases this chemical, this social construct allows for the largest possible number of beings to live in fairness and relative safety, and so on.
However, my job is to take advantage of human stupidity. Like always, business is booming is right now. Even in a career field where people literally lose all their money when they do not advance, people still refuse to adapt and grow. Most humans think they are geniuses and their way is the right way, and seemingly no one conceives that there could be other universes in existence than the one that has them at the center. Flash some money at them or give them power, and you’ll find out more about how narrow their world view can be, and how untouchable their word is.
I would like to believe what atheists and Muslims attest to. I would like to believe all humans are naturally good. However, if that were true, I could never make sense out of the world around me today. Why is it ever society and civilization, from the dawn of creation until now, has put 1% in charge of 99%. Why does the populous so often suffer at the whims of a few individuals, who so often turn out to be sociopaths? If we were upright, motivated, and intelligent folk this kind of social construct would seem to be a stunning irregularity, yet it isn’t.
My culture has taken on the belief that currency, frequent copulation with multiple partners, and an aggressive business stance is what makes a man. I used the big words there for fun, but to put it in simpler terms, we value sex, money, and power. There is no research that verifies a bevy of any of those works to make someone happier. The most miserable people I ever met had devoted their life to achieving a surplus in every one of those departments.
If this was the genius work of a superpower that made most of the rest of the world speaks its language how could I ever profess to be a humanist? It’s 2013 and we’re still blowing up money, money, and more money.
Yet if I write anything regarding “I’m into a Christian worldview” I’m seen as backward. To me, there is no greater testament to human stupidity than the statement, “I trust other humans.” To look for another worldview that doesn’t preclude that assumption doesn’t seem mad to me. Perhaps I’m wrong, but if you still trust the government or the dumb shits ranting in your junior college than you can’t be much brighter than me.
I tried the approach of my time. I acquired money and a bevy of everything else. I got ulcers from stress. I hated my life. Of course, this is only one trial, but I don’t get to live another person’s life, so this is all I have to go on.
But hey, most researchers can’t find any connection between overall contentment and levels of power, intelligence, money, or attractiveness. I can’t be that far off.
Went to the movie theater with the homie Javier, Naty, and her friend. We saw Lincoln, and also ate a mountain of fried chicken. I felt back in Arby’s, feeling the encrusted bits slide down into my stomach.
Lincoln was solid. It wasn’t riveting, but it wasn’t supposed to be. It was an important movie, not one meant to enthrall. It tugged at the heart strings in the right places. The true reasons for the Civil War were briefly spoken of but no one went into. It was a stupendous performance, all things considered.
Went home and tried to teach Javier some poker, but felt sick with all the Coke I drank. I gave up and started trying to clean my place after he went home. I got wound up, more than I have in a long time. Everywhere I looked there was another mess. I’m not a super clean person, but my OCD meds weren’t working. I have much more sympathy for my mother now. Guess I can’t eat bad either.
Did emails in the morning because on student had to cancel. Did a few more consultations. Later, Naty and I went to look at the inside of a house. It was amazing. Perfect size, a nice yard for the dog, a lot of cool air, and room for improvement. We got to work on the place the second we started leaving the house.
At Naty’s house that night we visited the parents and had some great burritos from a local soda. We watched Argo. I know Ben Affleck is not the greatest actor or director, but I’m entertained from beginning to end of his movies. The man is just a damn good entertainer. I could not stop watching, and even though I knew the ending, I was still glued in and freaking out.
Then we watched The Impossible for some reason, even though I’m not a two movie kind of guy. I’ll watch through a ton of episodes in one show, but that’s it. Wow, that movie was horrible. I get that the subject matter is important, but really? An affluent white family gets separated because of a tsunami for a couple days, then everyone finds each other. They hop on their private jet to Singapore to be healed. This does not inspire sympathy or understanding in a natural disaster.
Went to church, and had a good time. Picked up my dog from Naty’s house and went home. Started out feeling good, but eventually felt out of sorts. I drank too much caffeine and not enough water. For all I do and what I’m building, it’s stupid I let such obvious life leaks get in my way.
Thankfully, I was playing cash. I one tabled the Sunday Million for a while. I only played two tournaments the whole day. I ended up cashing but losing to a flip. I made some money. If I can keep stringing together profitable days like I have been I will build something.
Watched The Walking Dead kick start again. Obviously, they need time to set up everything, but I was hoping for a much bigger shootout, something akin to the last episodes of Season 2 at the farm.
I ate some Naranitas. They look like Froot Loops mixed with Kix. A few of the pebbles fell to the floor. My dog ate them. We both had gas for the rest of the night. Literally, have never smelled a fart of his, and he couldn’t stop for hours. I tried to go for a run and ended up gasping I felt so sick. Blah.