Distorted View

Ugh. I hate ever complaining now because I just feel like it’s a waste of time, and nobody really cares. I have a pretty damn good life, and I don’t like focusing on some negative things that can come up. However, the last couple days have been trying.

There’s always a few hundred things I need to be doing. Off the top of my head, I need to cash out money with that affiliate, ship money to the states, get going with my lawsuit with Taca over my deportation, make sure my taxes are finalized, pay back my friend, send one student his overdue lesson, put up a new gallery on my site, finish a video I’ve been working on for P5s training, fix this Powerpoint, get back to about 50+ emails, and…oh yeah…at some point remember to study poker and actually make money at it.

Not that I expect sympathy for this workload. I brought it on myself and in general am pretty happy with what I’m doing. I’m happy with my opportunities. Granted, I was stoned out of my mind for three years and now apparently have a couple different jobs, so that’s been an adjustment, but I’m willing to deal with it.

Today was just a pain in the ass. I forgot my OCD meds, which made me nuts, my sinuses started acting up, and the zipper on my pants wouldn’t pull up. I went to go take a shower and my water wasn’t working, a pain in the ass that comes up from time to time in Costa Rica.

In the middle of all this I had a couple people close to me just going off on me on not being able to be available to them all the time, or to have everything ready exactly at a certain time.

I already work pretty much all day, and feel guilty when I’m on my laptop till about 9:00 PM when my girlfriend finally convinces me to get away.

I think sometimes people feel insecure about what they’re doing, and when things have just gone so well for you in your life they expect your output to just be so mistake-free. They expect flowers to fly out your ass when you fart and for you to never spill ketchup on your shirt or forget where you left the keys. It irks me because really…I didn’t get to financially stable being great in a working environment…I was always in my head trying to put the pieces together of some puzzle, and that led me to what I’m good at.

Today was a good lesson really. First I proved to myself I could go apeshit on people still, so apparently I still have a pulse. I’ve been taking new meds to calm my ADHD (emphasis on Hyperactivity) and I was worried they were making me a pussy. I just couldn’t find fault in anyone anymore, and I think that’s what led everyone to get on my shit. Now that everyone remembers I can be a dick the order is restored.

What is that with people? That was something I could never stand with business or dating. If I said “yo, this is me, take it or leave it” and was nice to people only a select good few would respect it. But holy shit, if I treated everyone like crap and acted like my time and attention was more valuable than their’s, everyone just falls in line. The second you let up and are nice to people they start acting like you owe them something. Pffft…

I did feel bad about...

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