Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A Vague Dejection
There is nothing more excruciating than writing this fucking outline.
None of the fun of writing is there. It's just all planning. Planning the plotline, the characters. I had an overall idea, fleshing out all the small subplots and everything takes so much time. Once I have an outline done for anything I've ever written I just fly, it's so much easier.
That and now that I have come inside, off my balcony, I can hear Nathanael talking to one of his horses/friends/male lovers. I don't know. All I hear is loud fucking German and the occasional "checkraise". I'm in a fuck everyone mood.
Seriously though taking time off has been good. Yesterday I relaxed quite a bit, and actually got to the travel agent.
I walked in and said okay, I need to leave to renew my visa, can you help me? She said okay, where did you have in mind?
I said Turkey at first, she said I needed a visa, and she wasn't sure I would be well-liked because I'm American. I said okay, what about Tunisia? She said no, you need a visa. Morocco? No, everything is booked. Switzerland? No, they won't stamp your passport, they are part of the EU agreement even though they are not part of the EU.
I went okay, what about Cairo? In two minutes she has me a three day trip, round trip ticket and hotel, for about $600.00. I've always wanted to see the pyramids too so I'm excited.
It's weird. My high school sweetheart, a girl I dated for four years, moved there and actually took steps to see that I could get an apartment and go to school there. I ended up bailing on the relationship...well, she lied to me about some serious things...fuck it I don't really want to talk about it too much, the gritty details. It turned out really bad, and she got with some guy really quickly, made me wonder what was up when we were together.
I hurt about it long enough, and I'm done with it. She's just a really shallow girl that cares too much for the attention and approval of others.
Essentially her family and her lied to me for a year about something, and just shit on me because I was white, poor, and not a Muslim. It became "find some way to move here and go to school, get a degree in we consider to be a real job, and convert to Islam, or don't see her".
I wanted to be a writer, they told me that wasn't real work. That and Islam and all organized religion I could never buy into. I believe in God, I have no idea why, but I do. I just never liked organized religion. I hate how many people use it as a "I'm holier than thou" thing. Religion is so important when it helps them. Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal...unless it benefits you.
I said fuck this, I'm going to live my own life, and I just hope down the line some girl will love me for who I am.
Of course, at the time, she was pretty much all I knew so I felt like I was just doing something for survival's sake, not because I wanted to, not because I really believed there was anyone out there for me. I didn't have the confidence then I have now. I was depressed. I stopped eating really. I was disgustingly skinny.
I really don't like thinking back on that time. I was just so scared, and felt like I couldn't be enough for anyone. I left my home and my family and I weren't really speaking. I screwed things up with a new girl. I was doing terrible in my first months as a professional poker player.
Then she, in a very mature fashion, informed me she found someone new, was fucking him, and his penis was larger.
Looking back, I laugh at it. It's so obvious this girl just wanted to get back at me, wanted to get my attention, but I couldn't see that then. Her words hurt. I took Percocet a couple times, anything to stop the pain. Finally though I faced things. I didn't drink or take anything. Dead sober I just took lots of long walks. Thought a lot, worked through things.
Seeing Seattle helped me. I'd walk to Gasworks Park and look at Seattle at night. I'd just sit there for hours. Something about how massive it was, how alive it seemed, made me realize I was just one person in a very large metropolis. How infinite it all was comforted me. Surely, there were people out there better than the ones I'd wasted my time on.
After my family and I reconciled and I was fortunate enough to meet some actual mature girlfriends I felt a lot better. I started doing well in poker, making good friends, and I just became more comfortable with myself, more assured, having set out to do something on my own and succeeding.
I educated myself, and had some friends to talk to. I had this blog to just vent in. I got it out of my system. I got my mind right.
I'm beyond it all now. I can't believe I even wasted so much time and energy on it. I was so immature, so unsure of myself.
It's just weird to know this girl who was such a big part of my life, and honestly shaped me in some way as a person, will be down the street from me. Literally I'm going to the city where she lives. There's not a chance in hell I'll talk to her, but its just weird to think I'd even have the chance. I've been really comfortable with the fact she's on another continent.
I am good friends with all the other girls I've been with. I still talk to them regularly. Just her I'd never want to reconcile. I'm fine with never talking to her again.
Anyways, I did that and pretty much nothing else. Watched a bunch of TV, finished this dumber scifi novel I was reading, started reading this really interesting book about the mafia in Naples. Tried to write for hours but keep smashing my head against a keyboard in frustration, but eventually I got things done.
Today has been more of the same, except for I got my schedule normal. I'm waking up at 8:00 AM...like normal people.
Talked to the girl for a while on Skype. Felt pretty baller, chilling on my balcony watching the waves, listening to this beautiful girl tell me how much she can't wait to see me. Life can be pretty sweet sometimes.
I wanted to go out for New Year's but I'm feeling exhausted. Don't really feel like drinking. Wish I could just go get a pint of Guinness but every place will be super packed. Oh well, might brave the crowds anyway.
None of the fun of writing is there. It's just all planning. Planning the plotline, the characters. I had an overall idea, fleshing out all the small subplots and everything takes so much time. Once I have an outline done for anything I've ever written I just fly, it's so much easier.
That and now that I have come inside, off my balcony, I can hear Nathanael talking to one of his horses/friends/male lovers. I don't know. All I hear is loud fucking German and the occasional "checkraise". I'm in a fuck everyone mood.
Seriously though taking time off has been good. Yesterday I relaxed quite a bit, and actually got to the travel agent.
I walked in and said okay, I need to leave to renew my visa, can you help me? She said okay, where did you have in mind?
I said Turkey at first, she said I needed a visa, and she wasn't sure I would be well-liked because I'm American. I said okay, what about Tunisia? She said no, you need a visa. Morocco? No, everything is booked. Switzerland? No, they won't stamp your passport, they are part of the EU agreement even though they are not part of the EU.
I went okay, what about Cairo? In two minutes she has me a three day trip, round trip ticket and hotel, for about $600.00. I've always wanted to see the pyramids too so I'm excited.
It's weird. My high school sweetheart, a girl I dated for four years, moved there and actually took steps to see that I could get an apartment and go to school there. I ended up bailing on the relationship...well, she lied to me about some serious things...fuck it I don't really want to talk about it too much, the gritty details. It turned out really bad, and she got with some guy really quickly, made me wonder what was up when we were together.
I hurt about it long enough, and I'm done with it. She's just a really shallow girl that cares too much for the attention and approval of others.
Essentially her family and her lied to me for a year about something, and just shit on me because I was white, poor, and not a Muslim. It became "find some way to move here and go to school, get a degree in we consider to be a real job, and convert to Islam, or don't see her".
I wanted to be a writer, they told me that wasn't real work. That and Islam and all organized religion I could never buy into. I believe in God, I have no idea why, but I do. I just never liked organized religion. I hate how many people use it as a "I'm holier than thou" thing. Religion is so important when it helps them. Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal...unless it benefits you.
I said fuck this, I'm going to live my own life, and I just hope down the line some girl will love me for who I am.
Of course, at the time, she was pretty much all I knew so I felt like I was just doing something for survival's sake, not because I wanted to, not because I really believed there was anyone out there for me. I didn't have the confidence then I have now. I was depressed. I stopped eating really. I was disgustingly skinny.
I really don't like thinking back on that time. I was just so scared, and felt like I couldn't be enough for anyone. I left my home and my family and I weren't really speaking. I screwed things up with a new girl. I was doing terrible in my first months as a professional poker player.
Then she, in a very mature fashion, informed me she found someone new, was fucking him, and his penis was larger.
Looking back, I laugh at it. It's so obvious this girl just wanted to get back at me, wanted to get my attention, but I couldn't see that then. Her words hurt. I took Percocet a couple times, anything to stop the pain. Finally though I faced things. I didn't drink or take anything. Dead sober I just took lots of long walks. Thought a lot, worked through things.
Seeing Seattle helped me. I'd walk to Gasworks Park and look at Seattle at night. I'd just sit there for hours. Something about how massive it was, how alive it seemed, made me realize I was just one person in a very large metropolis. How infinite it all was comforted me. Surely, there were people out there better than the ones I'd wasted my time on.
After my family and I reconciled and I was fortunate enough to meet some actual mature girlfriends I felt a lot better. I started doing well in poker, making good friends, and I just became more comfortable with myself, more assured, having set out to do something on my own and succeeding.
I educated myself, and had some friends to talk to. I had this blog to just vent in. I got it out of my system. I got my mind right.
I'm beyond it all now. I can't believe I even wasted so much time and energy on it. I was so immature, so unsure of myself.
It's just weird to know this girl who was such a big part of my life, and honestly shaped me in some way as a person, will be down the street from me. Literally I'm going to the city where she lives. There's not a chance in hell I'll talk to her, but its just weird to think I'd even have the chance. I've been really comfortable with the fact she's on another continent.
I am good friends with all the other girls I've been with. I still talk to them regularly. Just her I'd never want to reconcile. I'm fine with never talking to her again.
Anyways, I did that and pretty much nothing else. Watched a bunch of TV, finished this dumber scifi novel I was reading, started reading this really interesting book about the mafia in Naples. Tried to write for hours but keep smashing my head against a keyboard in frustration, but eventually I got things done.
Today has been more of the same, except for I got my schedule normal. I'm waking up at 8:00 AM...like normal people.
Talked to the girl for a while on Skype. Felt pretty baller, chilling on my balcony watching the waves, listening to this beautiful girl tell me how much she can't wait to see me. Life can be pretty sweet sometimes.
I wanted to go out for New Year's but I'm feeling exhausted. Don't really feel like drinking. Wish I could just go get a pint of Guinness but every place will be super packed. Oh well, might brave the crowds anyway.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Microwaved
Yesterday all I had to do was book a plane ticket, give my credit card company a call, and stay up long enough to get my sleeping patterns back on track.
I instead succeeded at eating Haribo gummy bears, reading, guzzling Sprite, watching crappy reality TV, and drifting off to sleep at 4:00 PM.
Oh, I also played an hour of cash, before I just quit because I was convinced I was playing terrible. I made three buy-ins (what a luckbox!) but I just didn't feel into it, and I know I was playing sloppy.
I don't know what is with me. It's not like big scores ever kill my motivation. If anything they make me hungrier, you'd have to give me several hundred thousand to make me chill out. I just haven't felt like playing or doing anything for a few days.
I was waking up at 4:00 PM and grinding the nightly tournaments, but I decided to stay up till 4:00 - 5:00 PM so I'd wake up at 2:00 AM, then I'd stay up till 8:00 or 9:00 PM the next day and then be on a normal schedule for however long I decided I wanted to just chill out.
Instead, I just woke up at 2:00 AM here. The Brazilian girl I met about a week back called me on Skype, pretty much three minutes after I woke up. I laid around talking with her for an hour. I didn't realize how I missed that. Just beyond actually getting out socially, just dating, hanging out.
I really am lucky. Just this kid with all these disjointed thoughts, and random spurts of energy. If I hadn't been born when I was...I don't know what a space cadet like I am would be doing. Probably being broke and going to an art college, if I could afford it, or doing some shit job and clinging onto whatever friends I could make.
I have so many choices now, so many opportunities.
Poker is such a great outlet for, well, the more Machiavellian part of me. I get to be a control freak, an aggressive asshole, and just bury people, compete. Just listen to my hip hop, enjoy busting everyone. I love taking buy-ins off people, tricking people, fucking with people. Antagonist.
I just love stacking.
I'm sick in the head, and I'm fine with it. I can control it. Most people can't. They deny they're animals.
Once I'm done though it's like I'm another person. I can't really care too much about anything. If I'm trying to be Machiavelli when I work I'm trying to be Lao Tzu when I am not. I'm not even trying, I just can't care. I don't see the point. I hate it when people stress about stupid things. The more important thing in your life isn't the waiter is being slow, its your choices, your job, your overall view.
So many people just act like there is this schedule we always have to be on. It bugs me. Just part of a consumer culture, a rat race, every interaction feels a little forced, like there is a part of their mind that is figuring out what the point or profit is in every interaction. There is no interaction for the sake of just meeting someone.
They can't just relax. They have this amazing ego, that they are so important, there is something they have to be doing. You can't just relax, you always have to be working towards something. I couldn't figure out what I loved about South America and Asia, till I realized it was just an absence of that.
Then again I've been much more fortunate than most people. Money and security have come pretty quickly. It's dumb to judge. If you're in debt and trying to get a job, trying to get by, its hard to just relax.
I don't know many people in the states who aren't in debt and barely getting by. Hell, Britian too. The Brits are always at the bars here. All they have to say is everybody outside of London is not doing well. I don't know anything about West Yorkshire, except that everybody there is trying to get by.
Is that an economic thing or just a capitalistic mentality though? Everybody assumes coming from some countries they can buy whatever the hell they want and just put it on credit?
Or is it Washington Mutual laying off people weeks before their 30-years-of-service pension kicked in?
My friend here works 14 hours a day sometimes to just support himself in college. I got mad respect for that. He always has a smile on his face, and is optimistic. He gets tired sure but he doesn't let it bring him down. How do some people manage so well and how do some people just crumble?
Probably a part of why I actually care enough about this girl to even talk about her is just the absence of panic, how she enjoys life. Really relaxed, and interesting. She's a sweet girl. She's decently sure she's finishing her university in Portugal. Really hoping she gets that visa so I have an excuse to chill there. I guess it's a real guessing game in Brasil. See how this goes.
Sigh, obviously if she doesn't though I can forget this. Missed connections. The life of a travelling pro.
I just love seeing new places, meeting new people, having new experiences. I can't just be locked down. When you gotta move on or it doesn't work out though, when you've met great people and you have to say goodbye, that's the only downside.
Okay, I should probably get off my ass and do something. I'll go insane if I stay here all day.
Currently Listening To:
Raunchy - Wasteland Discotheque
Killswitch Engage - As Daylight Dies
Pig Destroyer - Painter of Dead Girls
Bayside - Shudder
Currently Watching:
-There Will Be Blood
-Weeds
-The Pickup Artist
I instead succeeded at eating Haribo gummy bears, reading, guzzling Sprite, watching crappy reality TV, and drifting off to sleep at 4:00 PM.
Oh, I also played an hour of cash, before I just quit because I was convinced I was playing terrible. I made three buy-ins (what a luckbox!) but I just didn't feel into it, and I know I was playing sloppy.
I don't know what is with me. It's not like big scores ever kill my motivation. If anything they make me hungrier, you'd have to give me several hundred thousand to make me chill out. I just haven't felt like playing or doing anything for a few days.
I was waking up at 4:00 PM and grinding the nightly tournaments, but I decided to stay up till 4:00 - 5:00 PM so I'd wake up at 2:00 AM, then I'd stay up till 8:00 or 9:00 PM the next day and then be on a normal schedule for however long I decided I wanted to just chill out.
Instead, I just woke up at 2:00 AM here. The Brazilian girl I met about a week back called me on Skype, pretty much three minutes after I woke up. I laid around talking with her for an hour. I didn't realize how I missed that. Just beyond actually getting out socially, just dating, hanging out.
I really am lucky. Just this kid with all these disjointed thoughts, and random spurts of energy. If I hadn't been born when I was...I don't know what a space cadet like I am would be doing. Probably being broke and going to an art college, if I could afford it, or doing some shit job and clinging onto whatever friends I could make.
I have so many choices now, so many opportunities.
Poker is such a great outlet for, well, the more Machiavellian part of me. I get to be a control freak, an aggressive asshole, and just bury people, compete. Just listen to my hip hop, enjoy busting everyone. I love taking buy-ins off people, tricking people, fucking with people. Antagonist.
I just love stacking.
I'm sick in the head, and I'm fine with it. I can control it. Most people can't. They deny they're animals.
Once I'm done though it's like I'm another person. I can't really care too much about anything. If I'm trying to be Machiavelli when I work I'm trying to be Lao Tzu when I am not. I'm not even trying, I just can't care. I don't see the point. I hate it when people stress about stupid things. The more important thing in your life isn't the waiter is being slow, its your choices, your job, your overall view.
So many people just act like there is this schedule we always have to be on. It bugs me. Just part of a consumer culture, a rat race, every interaction feels a little forced, like there is a part of their mind that is figuring out what the point or profit is in every interaction. There is no interaction for the sake of just meeting someone.
They can't just relax. They have this amazing ego, that they are so important, there is something they have to be doing. You can't just relax, you always have to be working towards something. I couldn't figure out what I loved about South America and Asia, till I realized it was just an absence of that.
Then again I've been much more fortunate than most people. Money and security have come pretty quickly. It's dumb to judge. If you're in debt and trying to get a job, trying to get by, its hard to just relax.
I don't know many people in the states who aren't in debt and barely getting by. Hell, Britian too. The Brits are always at the bars here. All they have to say is everybody outside of London is not doing well. I don't know anything about West Yorkshire, except that everybody there is trying to get by.
Is that an economic thing or just a capitalistic mentality though? Everybody assumes coming from some countries they can buy whatever the hell they want and just put it on credit?
Or is it Washington Mutual laying off people weeks before their 30-years-of-service pension kicked in?
My friend here works 14 hours a day sometimes to just support himself in college. I got mad respect for that. He always has a smile on his face, and is optimistic. He gets tired sure but he doesn't let it bring him down. How do some people manage so well and how do some people just crumble?
Probably a part of why I actually care enough about this girl to even talk about her is just the absence of panic, how she enjoys life. Really relaxed, and interesting. She's a sweet girl. She's decently sure she's finishing her university in Portugal. Really hoping she gets that visa so I have an excuse to chill there. I guess it's a real guessing game in Brasil. See how this goes.
Sigh, obviously if she doesn't though I can forget this. Missed connections. The life of a travelling pro.
I just love seeing new places, meeting new people, having new experiences. I can't just be locked down. When you gotta move on or it doesn't work out though, when you've met great people and you have to say goodbye, that's the only downside.
Okay, I should probably get off my ass and do something. I'll go insane if I stay here all day.
Currently Listening To:
Raunchy - Wasteland Discotheque
Killswitch Engage - As Daylight Dies
Pig Destroyer - Painter of Dead Girls
Bayside - Shudder
Currently Watching:
-There Will Be Blood
-Weeds
-The Pickup Artist
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Understanding Man Is Not a Machine
Today, I woke up and was just paranoid. I don't know how to explain it.
Given my genetic makeup and family history I would be pretty dumb to think I got out unscathed, but I think I handle everything pretty well. When I was in high school I tried antidepressants, ADHD meds, and some others, but I really responded poorly to a number of them. I felt like I was underwater. Not totally there.
My health teacher had us read an article about how much of a role diet and exercise play in helping people fight depression, so I kept to pretty strict work out schedules. I ate well a lot of the time. Once I moved to playing poker professionally and got on a normal sleep schedule I really felt balanced a lot of the time, even though I'd stopped taking medications.
Randomly though I just have times get depressed, and other times I just get super, unbearably, paranoid.
It almost feels dumb to write about, but at the same time, I just want to write about what's actually in my head.
I think every year I am getting better, despite the stress of professional tournament poker. Doing what I love for a living, having the freedom I do, and being able to keep to whatever schedule I want to has helped a lot, but I do have my random points where I don't handle things well.
Today was just weird. I was just super worried and depressed about everything. I had no reason to be, everything in my life is going fine. I just couldn't focus at all, so I didn't play. I went outside and hung out there, just watched the waves. I railed 99nvrlosez deep in a 109, talked to a few friends, eventually started feeling better.
Now I feel normal, but it just makes me uncomfortable to know I still don't have complete control over myself. I repeated again and again in my head I was being dumb, and rationally going over everything, but it just didn't help.
I guess this is why I don't do anything but drink now. It's not I find anything morally wrong in many drugs, nor have I not wanted to try them, but just looking at what...hell I don't want to say names...but there's certain people in poker who have similar problems that are prevalent in my family, and seeing what they are like after two or three years of continuous marijuana use and other things...it scares the shit out of me. They have legitimate fucking episodes. They really have no control. It makes their conditions so much worse.
I can know when I'm getting into a bad place mentally. It sounds dumb but there are days I just wake up and I go "there's no way I could play today." It's not often but I just know it. I can tell when I am running myself into the ground, so I take a few days off, and get my shit together.
I've hesitated over the last few months to write super personal things in this blog, but at the same time I know that's what makes a writer's writing more real. I could just gloss over the things I'd rather not admit about myself, but it helps me to write about things.
Many poker players are clinically depressed, or at the very least chemically imbalanced. It's one of the first things you notice when you start going to live events. Wow, so many people like me!
So many of us are just adrenaline junkies, trying to replace something that isn't there.
The last week has been hectic, although really positive. I have been doing very well, and I also have been getting out a lot. I wasn't sleeping that much, or eating well. 24/7 partying/working...fuck sleep.
I can tell I'm worn out now. I am not going to play Sundays tomorrow. I'm fixing my sleep schedule so I can live a semi-normal life for a few days.
This to me is one of the hardest parts in poker. Playing through things feels like the natural way to take things on, but sometimes in poker you just gotta chill for a couple days till your mind is back in it..
I have to figure out my next month too. My visa is expiring, so I need to take a little vacation, haven't figured that one out yet. Got to pay off my bills, then book EPT Deauville. The_Toilet has been going on and on about how much more fun hostels are but I think EPT: France is in some beach resort. Seriously, Stars needs to quit sending my ass to beach resorts during winter. I've never been to this one but Uruguay was super lame.
Given my genetic makeup and family history I would be pretty dumb to think I got out unscathed, but I think I handle everything pretty well. When I was in high school I tried antidepressants, ADHD meds, and some others, but I really responded poorly to a number of them. I felt like I was underwater. Not totally there.
My health teacher had us read an article about how much of a role diet and exercise play in helping people fight depression, so I kept to pretty strict work out schedules. I ate well a lot of the time. Once I moved to playing poker professionally and got on a normal sleep schedule I really felt balanced a lot of the time, even though I'd stopped taking medications.
Randomly though I just have times get depressed, and other times I just get super, unbearably, paranoid.
It almost feels dumb to write about, but at the same time, I just want to write about what's actually in my head.
I think every year I am getting better, despite the stress of professional tournament poker. Doing what I love for a living, having the freedom I do, and being able to keep to whatever schedule I want to has helped a lot, but I do have my random points where I don't handle things well.
Today was just weird. I was just super worried and depressed about everything. I had no reason to be, everything in my life is going fine. I just couldn't focus at all, so I didn't play. I went outside and hung out there, just watched the waves. I railed 99nvrlosez deep in a 109, talked to a few friends, eventually started feeling better.
Now I feel normal, but it just makes me uncomfortable to know I still don't have complete control over myself. I repeated again and again in my head I was being dumb, and rationally going over everything, but it just didn't help.
I guess this is why I don't do anything but drink now. It's not I find anything morally wrong in many drugs, nor have I not wanted to try them, but just looking at what...hell I don't want to say names...but there's certain people in poker who have similar problems that are prevalent in my family, and seeing what they are like after two or three years of continuous marijuana use and other things...it scares the shit out of me. They have legitimate fucking episodes. They really have no control. It makes their conditions so much worse.
I can know when I'm getting into a bad place mentally. It sounds dumb but there are days I just wake up and I go "there's no way I could play today." It's not often but I just know it. I can tell when I am running myself into the ground, so I take a few days off, and get my shit together.
I've hesitated over the last few months to write super personal things in this blog, but at the same time I know that's what makes a writer's writing more real. I could just gloss over the things I'd rather not admit about myself, but it helps me to write about things.
Many poker players are clinically depressed, or at the very least chemically imbalanced. It's one of the first things you notice when you start going to live events. Wow, so many people like me!
So many of us are just adrenaline junkies, trying to replace something that isn't there.
The last week has been hectic, although really positive. I have been doing very well, and I also have been getting out a lot. I wasn't sleeping that much, or eating well. 24/7 partying/working...fuck sleep.
I can tell I'm worn out now. I am not going to play Sundays tomorrow. I'm fixing my sleep schedule so I can live a semi-normal life for a few days.
This to me is one of the hardest parts in poker. Playing through things feels like the natural way to take things on, but sometimes in poker you just gotta chill for a couple days till your mind is back in it..
I have to figure out my next month too. My visa is expiring, so I need to take a little vacation, haven't figured that one out yet. Got to pay off my bills, then book EPT Deauville. The_Toilet has been going on and on about how much more fun hostels are but I think EPT: France is in some beach resort. Seriously, Stars needs to quit sending my ass to beach resorts during winter. I've never been to this one but Uruguay was super lame.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Mesonoxian
Sorry guys for the lack of updates lately. My friend Daniel flew down from Germany to hang out here around the holidays, and we've been doing more partying in the last week than I've done probably my whole time in Malta. He's really into going out, drinking, and meeting people. It's been really fun.
Shit, so much has happened.
On Sunday I played a full schedule, and kept assembling stacks than destroying them. I got deep in a bunch of tournaments, and cashed in the Sunday Million again (I'm like 3 for 4 lately or something), but wasn't doing anything. Finally, I cashed in the turbo $100r they have at the end of the day on Tilt. This is a super fun tournament but the structure is ridiculously fast. I was 4 out of 9 at the final table with 16 BBs, I mean give me a fucking break.
Some brain surgeon raise/snapped off my shove with Q-Jo, my AK didn't hold, oh well. I guess I shouldn't talk shit. I raise/call lighter than 95% of people deep in tournaments.
I got deep in the $100.00 rebuy on Stars though, and I was just on. I only made one threebet bluff that was off. The rest of the time I really just felt in control.
The final table was pretty tough, with my boy Jeff7710/YoungSupremacy and JP OSU giving me the most problems. Some cash game guy was at the table, and he was opening too wide, so I took the liberty to threebet him a bit, but he threw it right back at me a few times, he was no chump.
I coolered Jeff7710 pretty hard, when I had AA to his 6-6. Heads-up I definitely in control versus JP OSU, and took over the chip lead. I had him all in with 10-6 to his J-8 on a J-10-6 board but unfortunately he hit the 8 on the river. He sick value towned me a hand later, we got it all in, I doubled, but the second time we got it in he won the flip and that was that.
I was happy with the 2nd place, back to close to nothing with makeup, which is frustrating considering the wins but just doing staying alive playing every EPT now is difficult.
Kevin AKA Imalucksack and I were talking about this the other day, how the failure rate for the first year on the live circuit is so huge. If you don't pop off that big score its so difficult. It's frustrating to be giving up all my bigger online wins but that's just my deal, and hell its all a freeroll anyways now. There's no way I'd be in one 10k a year if I were on my own money again as far as tournaments. I'd probably just be grinding cash and it'd a year or so before I could even play sats again. Besides, it would take a year to get to 100k or whatever to be more flexible and I can easily pop that off in one tournament backed.
Can't argue too when your job is travelling, playing poker, and having fun.
Anyways, the day after I woke up really late, and went to go hang out with my friend here. He's a Brazilian guy who came to Malta to learn English. He works at a pizza place. He wants to become a pilot, so he needs to learn English. His English is so good already.
I prefer hanging out with the college kids here as opposed to the big gambling ballas. There's a lot of guys rich off of affiliate programs and such here, that just light up every club with their spending habits, but I prefer drinking cheap ass Maltese beer and playing their weird version of pool.
I don't know, I was just talking about this with some people today. I don't really care about being rich. I'd just give it to my Mom or sister, seriously. If it comes, whatever, but if not that's fine. I wouldn't want the stress. I talk to these millionaires and there is nothing else to life but making money, or displaying that they make money. I don't get it.
Obviously I am a person and I have things I want, but as long as I can travel, read, write, play poker, meet people, and meet girls I don't really care. Money to me has always been about freedom. Poker has always been about freedom.
I really love the Brazilians for this. They just want to live life and relax. I'm sure there's greedy people there but the ones I meet my age are always so free-spirited, it helps me to be around them.
So I meet my Brazilian friend at his apartment complex. I have to call him from this busted ass payphone because of how intense the security was at the place. We hung out at his place for a while. I got to meet his girlfriend and his other friends. They were doing a going-away party for his Brazilian classmate.
We went to a bar, got some sandwiches. I'd woken up at 8:00 PM that day and hadn't had anything to eat at all. The only thing they could serve at that hour was sandwiches, which were meh, but we were all having fun just talking. They make fun of my Portuguese, I make fun of their English, the cycle continues.
It's really an international community here in Malta. It's a lot like Seattle. English education is very cheap here so it draws many international students.
Eventually everybody got tired but the girl who was going away, and me, since I'd been awake all of four hours. We went to the clubs together, had a great night.
The clubs are so fun when you have a girl you're taking there. Maltese girls are a little stuck-up. So many of them just want to hang out with the few friends they are there with. Then random fat chicks will be into you, or girls will want to hang out with a foreigner for a quick fuck, but those girls are so used looking and trashy...yuck. I'm all for people being able to do whatever the hell they want, but some of these girls smoke too much and just look like shit, like some stranger is plowing into them nightly, and I'm pickier than that man.
That and the drinking age here is 16, and no one IDs, so you get these random teeny boppers on the attack. That's not my thing. For real. I like older women, someone who can intellectually be on my level. I had my fair share of dumbass immature bitches in the U District back in Seattle, and I'm done with that. I'm not into these high school girls, whose fathers will probably chase my ass all the way to the USA embassy waving their family heirloom scimitar.
But yeah, taking a girl out who was my type and actually interesting to talk to was so much more fun. They have sick good DJs here, alcohol is cheap, everybody is having a great time. She was so relaxed and fun to be with. It was definitely the most fun I've had in Malta since I got here.
We were out way late. I walked her back to her apartment, and left back for my place right as the sun was coming over the Mediterranean. I got a Pepsi out of a vending machine, just savored everything, walked slow. I feel so damn lucky during moments like that. I couldn't picture my life being this great years ago.
I went out for a meal, got good and tired on Cisk, then came home and crashed.
I woke up and decided to do one more day of work. I got a long jog in, read, wrote, and then set up shop. I just wanted to play the 1k, some nightly tournaments, and the 50 grands. I blew out of everything really quickly, except for the Nightly. I was autopiloting it till the final 100, then I threw it onto the big monitor, put on Paul Oakenfold's Tranceport, and got to work. I Dbed all my guys and started watching other tables, took notes. My boy 99 was on the rail cheering for me, even though it was 3:00 AM where he was at. God, the support my friends give me, is so incredible.
I was so proud of how I played this tournament. I took so many pots away. My reads were so dead on. I was so on point, fearless. I really have become the player I wanted to be when I was sixteen, just falling asleep to WPT episodes. I have more faith in my game now than I have ever had before. I have the experience, I have the technical know-how, and I have the temperament.
I ended up taking the whole thing down, and getting right out of makeup and into profit. That feels so good. More tournaments are coming up too. It's time to make my mark.
The last couple days I've been lazy. I logged some small cash sessions, called my family on Christmas, read, watched some TV shows. Finally saw The Dark Knight. Great movie, but way overrated. Then again I don't know how it could have ever lived up to the hype people surrounded it with. I have some other movies on my computer, some other shows.
I got drunk and watched Watchthesea final table the nightly and get coolered out to go out 2nd.
Today was the last day for my friend Daniel, before he flew back to Germany. He wanted to go drinking but I was pretty tired. So instead we went to this arcade they have here and gambled on every one of the games. I wanted to do 20 euros a game but he was a pussy, so we settled on 5. We were in a dead heat up till the end when I pulled some wins out of my ass in ski ball, although he owned me at table hockey. The stupid kid's games I owned too, and basketball.
We had another side wager on who got the most tickets, which I won, w00t! Then we just gave all the tickets to these kids hanging around. Parents will probably want to kill us, I think they had enough to buy out all the candy at the store.
I'm probably just going to chill for a few more days. My sleeping schedule is so fucked up, and I haven't been working out as much as I would like. Once I get this place cleaned up and I'm back into the swing of things I will get playing again.
Currently Listening To:
Tiesto - In Search of Sunrise 4: Latin America
Jes - Disconnect
Paul Oakenfold - Tranceport
Brother Ali - Champion
Currently Watching:
-Weeds
-The Pickup Artist
-Entourage
-The Dark Knight
Shit, so much has happened.
On Sunday I played a full schedule, and kept assembling stacks than destroying them. I got deep in a bunch of tournaments, and cashed in the Sunday Million again (I'm like 3 for 4 lately or something), but wasn't doing anything. Finally, I cashed in the turbo $100r they have at the end of the day on Tilt. This is a super fun tournament but the structure is ridiculously fast. I was 4 out of 9 at the final table with 16 BBs, I mean give me a fucking break.
Some brain surgeon raise/snapped off my shove with Q-Jo, my AK didn't hold, oh well. I guess I shouldn't talk shit. I raise/call lighter than 95% of people deep in tournaments.
I got deep in the $100.00 rebuy on Stars though, and I was just on. I only made one threebet bluff that was off. The rest of the time I really just felt in control.
The final table was pretty tough, with my boy Jeff7710/YoungSupremacy and JP OSU giving me the most problems. Some cash game guy was at the table, and he was opening too wide, so I took the liberty to threebet him a bit, but he threw it right back at me a few times, he was no chump.
I coolered Jeff7710 pretty hard, when I had AA to his 6-6. Heads-up I definitely in control versus JP OSU, and took over the chip lead. I had him all in with 10-6 to his J-8 on a J-10-6 board but unfortunately he hit the 8 on the river. He sick value towned me a hand later, we got it all in, I doubled, but the second time we got it in he won the flip and that was that.
I was happy with the 2nd place, back to close to nothing with makeup, which is frustrating considering the wins but just doing staying alive playing every EPT now is difficult.
Kevin AKA Imalucksack and I were talking about this the other day, how the failure rate for the first year on the live circuit is so huge. If you don't pop off that big score its so difficult. It's frustrating to be giving up all my bigger online wins but that's just my deal, and hell its all a freeroll anyways now. There's no way I'd be in one 10k a year if I were on my own money again as far as tournaments. I'd probably just be grinding cash and it'd a year or so before I could even play sats again. Besides, it would take a year to get to 100k or whatever to be more flexible and I can easily pop that off in one tournament backed.
Can't argue too when your job is travelling, playing poker, and having fun.
Anyways, the day after I woke up really late, and went to go hang out with my friend here. He's a Brazilian guy who came to Malta to learn English. He works at a pizza place. He wants to become a pilot, so he needs to learn English. His English is so good already.
I prefer hanging out with the college kids here as opposed to the big gambling ballas. There's a lot of guys rich off of affiliate programs and such here, that just light up every club with their spending habits, but I prefer drinking cheap ass Maltese beer and playing their weird version of pool.
I don't know, I was just talking about this with some people today. I don't really care about being rich. I'd just give it to my Mom or sister, seriously. If it comes, whatever, but if not that's fine. I wouldn't want the stress. I talk to these millionaires and there is nothing else to life but making money, or displaying that they make money. I don't get it.
Obviously I am a person and I have things I want, but as long as I can travel, read, write, play poker, meet people, and meet girls I don't really care. Money to me has always been about freedom. Poker has always been about freedom.
I really love the Brazilians for this. They just want to live life and relax. I'm sure there's greedy people there but the ones I meet my age are always so free-spirited, it helps me to be around them.
So I meet my Brazilian friend at his apartment complex. I have to call him from this busted ass payphone because of how intense the security was at the place. We hung out at his place for a while. I got to meet his girlfriend and his other friends. They were doing a going-away party for his Brazilian classmate.
We went to a bar, got some sandwiches. I'd woken up at 8:00 PM that day and hadn't had anything to eat at all. The only thing they could serve at that hour was sandwiches, which were meh, but we were all having fun just talking. They make fun of my Portuguese, I make fun of their English, the cycle continues.
It's really an international community here in Malta. It's a lot like Seattle. English education is very cheap here so it draws many international students.
Eventually everybody got tired but the girl who was going away, and me, since I'd been awake all of four hours. We went to the clubs together, had a great night.
The clubs are so fun when you have a girl you're taking there. Maltese girls are a little stuck-up. So many of them just want to hang out with the few friends they are there with. Then random fat chicks will be into you, or girls will want to hang out with a foreigner for a quick fuck, but those girls are so used looking and trashy...yuck. I'm all for people being able to do whatever the hell they want, but some of these girls smoke too much and just look like shit, like some stranger is plowing into them nightly, and I'm pickier than that man.
That and the drinking age here is 16, and no one IDs, so you get these random teeny boppers on the attack. That's not my thing. For real. I like older women, someone who can intellectually be on my level. I had my fair share of dumbass immature bitches in the U District back in Seattle, and I'm done with that. I'm not into these high school girls, whose fathers will probably chase my ass all the way to the USA embassy waving their family heirloom scimitar.
But yeah, taking a girl out who was my type and actually interesting to talk to was so much more fun. They have sick good DJs here, alcohol is cheap, everybody is having a great time. She was so relaxed and fun to be with. It was definitely the most fun I've had in Malta since I got here.
We were out way late. I walked her back to her apartment, and left back for my place right as the sun was coming over the Mediterranean. I got a Pepsi out of a vending machine, just savored everything, walked slow. I feel so damn lucky during moments like that. I couldn't picture my life being this great years ago.
I went out for a meal, got good and tired on Cisk, then came home and crashed.
I woke up and decided to do one more day of work. I got a long jog in, read, wrote, and then set up shop. I just wanted to play the 1k, some nightly tournaments, and the 50 grands. I blew out of everything really quickly, except for the Nightly. I was autopiloting it till the final 100, then I threw it onto the big monitor, put on Paul Oakenfold's Tranceport, and got to work. I Dbed all my guys and started watching other tables, took notes. My boy 99 was on the rail cheering for me, even though it was 3:00 AM where he was at. God, the support my friends give me, is so incredible.
I was so proud of how I played this tournament. I took so many pots away. My reads were so dead on. I was so on point, fearless. I really have become the player I wanted to be when I was sixteen, just falling asleep to WPT episodes. I have more faith in my game now than I have ever had before. I have the experience, I have the technical know-how, and I have the temperament.
I ended up taking the whole thing down, and getting right out of makeup and into profit. That feels so good. More tournaments are coming up too. It's time to make my mark.
The last couple days I've been lazy. I logged some small cash sessions, called my family on Christmas, read, watched some TV shows. Finally saw The Dark Knight. Great movie, but way overrated. Then again I don't know how it could have ever lived up to the hype people surrounded it with. I have some other movies on my computer, some other shows.
I got drunk and watched Watchthesea final table the nightly and get coolered out to go out 2nd.
Today was the last day for my friend Daniel, before he flew back to Germany. He wanted to go drinking but I was pretty tired. So instead we went to this arcade they have here and gambled on every one of the games. I wanted to do 20 euros a game but he was a pussy, so we settled on 5. We were in a dead heat up till the end when I pulled some wins out of my ass in ski ball, although he owned me at table hockey. The stupid kid's games I owned too, and basketball.
We had another side wager on who got the most tickets, which I won, w00t! Then we just gave all the tickets to these kids hanging around. Parents will probably want to kill us, I think they had enough to buy out all the candy at the store.
I'm probably just going to chill for a few more days. My sleeping schedule is so fucked up, and I haven't been working out as much as I would like. Once I get this place cleaned up and I'm back into the swing of things I will get playing again.
Currently Listening To:
Tiesto - In Search of Sunrise 4: Latin America
Jes - Disconnect
Paul Oakenfold - Tranceport
Brother Ali - Champion
Currently Watching:
-Weeds
-The Pickup Artist
-Entourage
-The Dark Knight
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve in Malta
I am waking up at 10:00 PM.
My friend Daniel, from Germany, has been playing all day. He has lived here for four days now.
We've built a pyramid out of all the empty Red Bull cans we've assembled.
The rest of the table is cluttered with laptops, oversized monitors, Mcdonald's wrappers, paper towels, a scifi book, and magazines.
I find my passport under a keyboard.
I called my family today. My Mom and and my sister didn't pick up. My Mom's boyfriend picked up but he couldn't hear my voice. I sent him a text message instead.
Three days ago I was in $30,000+ of makeup. Today I am in profit.
I'm still debating PCA.
Two nights ago I went out with my Brazilian friend here, a guy who works at a pizza place. I hung out with bunch of people my age who went to the English schools here, from around the world.
This girl I met that night is on my mind, like girls do not get on my mind.
It was her last night here, she wanted to go out. I took her out to the clubs.
I walked back home on the moon.
My friend Daniel, from Germany, has been playing all day. He has lived here for four days now.
We've built a pyramid out of all the empty Red Bull cans we've assembled.
The rest of the table is cluttered with laptops, oversized monitors, Mcdonald's wrappers, paper towels, a scifi book, and magazines.
I find my passport under a keyboard.
I called my family today. My Mom and and my sister didn't pick up. My Mom's boyfriend picked up but he couldn't hear my voice. I sent him a text message instead.
Three days ago I was in $30,000+ of makeup. Today I am in profit.
I'm still debating PCA.
Two nights ago I went out with my Brazilian friend here, a guy who works at a pizza place. I hung out with bunch of people my age who went to the English schools here, from around the world.
This girl I met that night is on my mind, like girls do not get on my mind.
It was her last night here, she wanted to go out. I took her out to the clubs.
I walked back home on the moon.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Two $100.00 rebuy final tables
I really wish I had any energy to type but I am fucking exhausted.
I took 2nd in the Stars one. I took a sick beat on the river, like 5 outs, that would've sealed it, then just had nothing go my way. It happens. He played a great game. Just wish I could've finished one 100r off on Stars.
I took like 7th in the Tilt one.
Regardless, I'm really happy with tonight.
Nice to be keeping my head above water, despite how much money I've gone through live. Kind of wanting to pull it out though here soon.
I took 2nd in the Stars one. I took a sick beat on the river, like 5 outs, that would've sealed it, then just had nothing go my way. It happens. He played a great game. Just wish I could've finished one 100r off on Stars.
I took like 7th in the Tilt one.
Regardless, I'm really happy with tonight.
Nice to be keeping my head above water, despite how much money I've gone through live. Kind of wanting to pull it out though here soon.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Prague Pics (Part Three)
The greatest urinal in the world
Randallin, Timex, Imalucksack, Ch0ppy, and myself
Asian tourists torturing a guard
Us doing the same thing
Kevin preparing us some absinthe
Pre funking for a bar crawl supplies ^^^^^
Absinthe prepared correctly. The one on the left is the one that fucked me up beyond any recognition...and made me drop my camera like eight times.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
It's Not Coming Yet
Final tabled two sats for PCA seats and Aussie seats, couldn't make anything work.
Negative in cash this week.
Can't do anything in tournaments, live or online.
So fucking annoying.
Damn down cycles. Well this whole year. Live tournaments are destroying me. Thank god cash is consistent.
Thank God I have such good friends. Thank God I have cash. Thank God it will turn around.
Negative in cash this week.
Can't do anything in tournaments, live or online.
So fucking annoying.
Damn down cycles. Well this whole year. Live tournaments are destroying me. Thank god cash is consistent.
Thank God I have such good friends. Thank God I have cash. Thank God it will turn around.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Doing Nothing (Except Ranting About The Poker World) And Loving It
Even though I wasn't feeling that worn out I decided to take yesterday and today off. I'm really feeling good about that decision. I am feeling more excited to play tomorrow, and that's a great thing heading into the big buy-ins on the weekends.
Over the last few months, and actually pretty much my whole poker career, I've just worked and worked and worked until I was so worn out I had to take a few days off. After feeling how much taking a week off in Prague helped my focus I'm trying to work in regular days off. I'm thinking Thursdays and Fridays, like I used to do. Now that UB finally came to their senses and moved their 1k to Wednesday again it should be really easy to pull off.
Actually, I probably am going to have to log some hours today, doing other things. Well, fuck, I'll just tell you guys, it's not like there's anything that needs to be kept a secret. When I left Mhrep myself and my backers were under the impression I was out of makeup. I left more hastily than I wanted to, because an opportunity opened up and I didn't want it to go to some other guy, but once we reviewed everything it turned out I still owed them a few thousand.
I didn't want to make my new backers pay off my old makeup. Just a matter of pride I guess, I felt like it was my responsibility, and since it was a small amount I was just going to pay them back out of pocket.
Normally, it's not standard practice that if you stop playing for a certain backer that you pay back the makeup. If I were to tomorrow quit poker and never play again I wouldn't owe my backer that money. That wouldn't really be kosher, but it's not expected you pay off the makeup when you just quit forever.
When you go to another backer though it's expected you or your new backer buy off your old makeup. If that wasn't part of the deal the backer would constantly get screwed. What motivation would a horse have to stay with his current backer who he's 100k in makeup with if a new guy is letting him start with a clean slate?
If you or your new backer can't pay the makeup off you stay with your current one, until you work off the makeup. When you begin with a new backer, if he or she bought off your old makeup, you will start owing him that number before you both make money.
Obviously if your backer stops sending you money for an extended period of time you have no ability to pay off the makeup, therefore it should be considered void. You should consider yourself dropped at that point, in which case you owe the backer nothing.
That's a rarer occurrence however, and usually a disreputable horse will use this as an excuse. So many horses go "oh I left them in makeup but they weren't sending me money" when later you find out their backer just had a late night drinking and didn't get to the computer one morning, and the horse used that as a bullshit excuse to leave his obligations.
It really is a super messy business. I know a few of the guys who backed a number of players got screwed by the amount of their horses leaving in makeup. They have no legal recourse, so backing is a difficult way to make money when you're backing a number of guys you don't know personally.
At least that is my understanding, that you can't have a contract in the USA that involves online backing because of the legal state regarding poker sites in the United States. I believe you can do contracts for live backing, but you rarely, if ever, have a horse only for live events.
Live backing is extremely high variance. Many of the talents in No Limit Hold'em are young men with little personal control, and when they are in the party cities that these live events are held in there's a real concern as to how much energy they will be focusing on the poker tables. Add in the fact these are the largest buy-ins, most of the world's best players play them, and there is only 30 of them a year then you have a true variance bomb.
Compare this to online, where the horse can do 30 smaller buy-ins with worse players per day, and you can see why most backers want your online action and live. It levels out variance. In my case, if I didn't have online I would've been negative in 2008 because of live events and make lack of results in them.
Of course, the horse does not typically want to give up their online action, but most of us do not have a choice if we want to play the big live events. Unless you have more leverage its difficult to get live only.
But yeah, okay, that was a really long-winded sidebar. Backing is really the last frontier of online poker that many people don't understand, and I just felt like explaining a few things for a bit.
Like really, it's amazing how many of these guys act like they're hot shit, then when you meet them you find out that everyone is backed now and so many are just drowning, fucking DROWNING, in makeup. So many are just going through the motions, not into it, just posing as poker players.
Tournament poker really did collapse on itself there for a while. It's much harder now. You back a bunch of guys who used to be profitable, then the money dries up a bit, and they just fucking tank...its a bad scene.
People don't even realize how bad it is for us, now that people cant put in their $50.00 deposits once in a while and see what happens. That money comes up to our levels. You cut out the bottom of the feed chain it eventually effects the shark.
When I play on sites that have accessible deposit options its like night and day. There's so much more money to get.
But in the states if Joe Schmoe wants to deposit he first goes to his live card room, heres from 300 different people that it's illegal. Then he sees the 60 Minutes special where it says its illegal. When he googles online poker to find a site, after he somehow runs through this gauntlet, if we're really lucky he doesn't see any of the articles that show cheating occured online.
Then when he wants to deposit people go "no no, you can't use your visa, Visa doesn't work with us us." Wait, what the fuck, when I went to Tijuana when I was in college we could use our visa cards at fucking whore houses, but YOU can't accept it? What kind of operation are you running sir?
Oh no sir, it's legit. Just send us a cashier's check...to this shady ass location. Yes, I know, it doesn't say poker anywhere on the address, but don't worry about that. Just trust us. Not the guys down at your local card room. Not your friends. Not 60 Minutes. Not your media.
Most people don't follow all of these steps, and then see the fifty dollars in their account, and keep doing it. No one except the biggest degens. It's fucking killing us.
This doesn't even take into account my worries with the world economy, and the next twenty years. That's another migraine.
Okay, that was a fun ranting post. Didn't know it was going to come to that but whatever. I am going to go enjoy today off, and grind a few FPP satellites. Oh yeah, lol, that was what I was trying to say this whole time. I have a bunch of FPPs left over, and instead of paying out of pocket I'm punishing myself a bit by making the money I owe them on these SNGs. I'd never played the Sunday Million FPP sats but oh my god they are easy.
I just can't play them on normal days because the tournament dollars get mixed up with my other buy-ins. If fucking Stars finally made it so you could register for everything ahead of time, like, I dunno, EVERY OTHER SITE ON THE PLANET, I wouldn't have to log an hour or two on my day off, but whatever...standard.
For right now I am going to get a shower, eat some Turkish fast food, and go read my book.
I'm addicted to Lebanese and Turkish food since I moved here. I only eat out on my days off. The rest of the time I eat one big meal in the morning and some sandwiches, fruits, and cereal through the rest of the day, but I crave this shit on my day off.
The only thing that sucks about Malta is that when I take days off, I'm still waking up at the same time I do for the online tournaments based around USA time. So I've been up for a couple hours and its already night, the mall is closed, and a bunch of other things are closed. I could go out to the bars and such but everyone's home for Christmas, and Nathanael is a terrible wingman. I love the guy, but holy shit is he a serious German dude all the time.
Fortunately a friend of ours is coming to visit tomorrow. He's actually considering living here. He might be taking Nathanael's place here. I only know him from online, so I wanted to meet him first, so he's coming here to chill for a week. He sounds really game to go out, and luckily there's a bunch of Christmas parties here.
There really is a lot to do here, I just never do it. Malta is my place to work. That and usually I'm working most nights.
I should though. I only live once. Definitely going out later. Taking whatever night off this huge ass party is happening. For some reason Christmas Eve is when a ton of clubs have huuuuge ass things.
Hell, I go to this one 24/7 place most nights to read and have my morning coffee, and its packed on fucking Tuesdays sometimes. The quiet parts of Malta are really quiet, the party districts are always awake.
Instead of partying though I've just been chilling. I treated myself to a good dinner last night. I had steak and a Maltese wine. Just chilled and read for three hours. The first place here that didn't treat me like some punk ass kid because I wore a Puma sweatshirt and jeans there and didn't dress up like I was going to some fucking business meeting. I tipped them like an American would, just because I was so happy to get some great food and good serve. Love the family owned places.
When I came home I just watched TV shows, downloaded albums, read more. I'm boring. I watched Weeds and I'm downloading some movies I've been meaning to see. It's amazing what you can find on Piratebay.
Today I'll probably be chilling out too. Tomorrow I am going to work out, get back to my regimen. That dude is coming, and Nathanael is leaving for Germany, so that will be interesting, but yeah I'll be grinding a lot, and hopefully going out and hanging out a bit around here.
Fuck, all the college girls probably have gone home. Oh well. I like the Maltese ones. Sicilian-Arabs...crazy hot.
Over the last few months, and actually pretty much my whole poker career, I've just worked and worked and worked until I was so worn out I had to take a few days off. After feeling how much taking a week off in Prague helped my focus I'm trying to work in regular days off. I'm thinking Thursdays and Fridays, like I used to do. Now that UB finally came to their senses and moved their 1k to Wednesday again it should be really easy to pull off.
Actually, I probably am going to have to log some hours today, doing other things. Well, fuck, I'll just tell you guys, it's not like there's anything that needs to be kept a secret. When I left Mhrep myself and my backers were under the impression I was out of makeup. I left more hastily than I wanted to, because an opportunity opened up and I didn't want it to go to some other guy, but once we reviewed everything it turned out I still owed them a few thousand.
I didn't want to make my new backers pay off my old makeup. Just a matter of pride I guess, I felt like it was my responsibility, and since it was a small amount I was just going to pay them back out of pocket.
Normally, it's not standard practice that if you stop playing for a certain backer that you pay back the makeup. If I were to tomorrow quit poker and never play again I wouldn't owe my backer that money. That wouldn't really be kosher, but it's not expected you pay off the makeup when you just quit forever.
When you go to another backer though it's expected you or your new backer buy off your old makeup. If that wasn't part of the deal the backer would constantly get screwed. What motivation would a horse have to stay with his current backer who he's 100k in makeup with if a new guy is letting him start with a clean slate?
If you or your new backer can't pay the makeup off you stay with your current one, until you work off the makeup. When you begin with a new backer, if he or she bought off your old makeup, you will start owing him that number before you both make money.
Obviously if your backer stops sending you money for an extended period of time you have no ability to pay off the makeup, therefore it should be considered void. You should consider yourself dropped at that point, in which case you owe the backer nothing.
That's a rarer occurrence however, and usually a disreputable horse will use this as an excuse. So many horses go "oh I left them in makeup but they weren't sending me money" when later you find out their backer just had a late night drinking and didn't get to the computer one morning, and the horse used that as a bullshit excuse to leave his obligations.
It really is a super messy business. I know a few of the guys who backed a number of players got screwed by the amount of their horses leaving in makeup. They have no legal recourse, so backing is a difficult way to make money when you're backing a number of guys you don't know personally.
At least that is my understanding, that you can't have a contract in the USA that involves online backing because of the legal state regarding poker sites in the United States. I believe you can do contracts for live backing, but you rarely, if ever, have a horse only for live events.
Live backing is extremely high variance. Many of the talents in No Limit Hold'em are young men with little personal control, and when they are in the party cities that these live events are held in there's a real concern as to how much energy they will be focusing on the poker tables. Add in the fact these are the largest buy-ins, most of the world's best players play them, and there is only 30 of them a year then you have a true variance bomb.
Compare this to online, where the horse can do 30 smaller buy-ins with worse players per day, and you can see why most backers want your online action and live. It levels out variance. In my case, if I didn't have online I would've been negative in 2008 because of live events and make lack of results in them.
Of course, the horse does not typically want to give up their online action, but most of us do not have a choice if we want to play the big live events. Unless you have more leverage its difficult to get live only.
But yeah, okay, that was a really long-winded sidebar. Backing is really the last frontier of online poker that many people don't understand, and I just felt like explaining a few things for a bit.
Like really, it's amazing how many of these guys act like they're hot shit, then when you meet them you find out that everyone is backed now and so many are just drowning, fucking DROWNING, in makeup. So many are just going through the motions, not into it, just posing as poker players.
Tournament poker really did collapse on itself there for a while. It's much harder now. You back a bunch of guys who used to be profitable, then the money dries up a bit, and they just fucking tank...its a bad scene.
People don't even realize how bad it is for us, now that people cant put in their $50.00 deposits once in a while and see what happens. That money comes up to our levels. You cut out the bottom of the feed chain it eventually effects the shark.
When I play on sites that have accessible deposit options its like night and day. There's so much more money to get.
But in the states if Joe Schmoe wants to deposit he first goes to his live card room, heres from 300 different people that it's illegal. Then he sees the 60 Minutes special where it says its illegal. When he googles online poker to find a site, after he somehow runs through this gauntlet, if we're really lucky he doesn't see any of the articles that show cheating occured online.
Then when he wants to deposit people go "no no, you can't use your visa, Visa doesn't work with us us." Wait, what the fuck, when I went to Tijuana when I was in college we could use our visa cards at fucking whore houses, but YOU can't accept it? What kind of operation are you running sir?
Oh no sir, it's legit. Just send us a cashier's check...to this shady ass location. Yes, I know, it doesn't say poker anywhere on the address, but don't worry about that. Just trust us. Not the guys down at your local card room. Not your friends. Not 60 Minutes. Not your media.
Most people don't follow all of these steps, and then see the fifty dollars in their account, and keep doing it. No one except the biggest degens. It's fucking killing us.
This doesn't even take into account my worries with the world economy, and the next twenty years. That's another migraine.
Okay, that was a fun ranting post. Didn't know it was going to come to that but whatever. I am going to go enjoy today off, and grind a few FPP satellites. Oh yeah, lol, that was what I was trying to say this whole time. I have a bunch of FPPs left over, and instead of paying out of pocket I'm punishing myself a bit by making the money I owe them on these SNGs. I'd never played the Sunday Million FPP sats but oh my god they are easy.
I just can't play them on normal days because the tournament dollars get mixed up with my other buy-ins. If fucking Stars finally made it so you could register for everything ahead of time, like, I dunno, EVERY OTHER SITE ON THE PLANET, I wouldn't have to log an hour or two on my day off, but whatever...standard.
For right now I am going to get a shower, eat some Turkish fast food, and go read my book.
I'm addicted to Lebanese and Turkish food since I moved here. I only eat out on my days off. The rest of the time I eat one big meal in the morning and some sandwiches, fruits, and cereal through the rest of the day, but I crave this shit on my day off.
The only thing that sucks about Malta is that when I take days off, I'm still waking up at the same time I do for the online tournaments based around USA time. So I've been up for a couple hours and its already night, the mall is closed, and a bunch of other things are closed. I could go out to the bars and such but everyone's home for Christmas, and Nathanael is a terrible wingman. I love the guy, but holy shit is he a serious German dude all the time.
Fortunately a friend of ours is coming to visit tomorrow. He's actually considering living here. He might be taking Nathanael's place here. I only know him from online, so I wanted to meet him first, so he's coming here to chill for a week. He sounds really game to go out, and luckily there's a bunch of Christmas parties here.
There really is a lot to do here, I just never do it. Malta is my place to work. That and usually I'm working most nights.
I should though. I only live once. Definitely going out later. Taking whatever night off this huge ass party is happening. For some reason Christmas Eve is when a ton of clubs have huuuuge ass things.
Hell, I go to this one 24/7 place most nights to read and have my morning coffee, and its packed on fucking Tuesdays sometimes. The quiet parts of Malta are really quiet, the party districts are always awake.
Instead of partying though I've just been chilling. I treated myself to a good dinner last night. I had steak and a Maltese wine. Just chilled and read for three hours. The first place here that didn't treat me like some punk ass kid because I wore a Puma sweatshirt and jeans there and didn't dress up like I was going to some fucking business meeting. I tipped them like an American would, just because I was so happy to get some great food and good serve. Love the family owned places.
When I came home I just watched TV shows, downloaded albums, read more. I'm boring. I watched Weeds and I'm downloading some movies I've been meaning to see. It's amazing what you can find on Piratebay.
Today I'll probably be chilling out too. Tomorrow I am going to work out, get back to my regimen. That dude is coming, and Nathanael is leaving for Germany, so that will be interesting, but yeah I'll be grinding a lot, and hopefully going out and hanging out a bit around here.
Fuck, all the college girls probably have gone home. Oh well. I like the Maltese ones. Sicilian-Arabs...crazy hot.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
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