Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Loco, Bebé, And That's The Way I'll Stay
If you think you know everything about my game based on five training videos you've watched from Pokerpwnage you're sorely mistaken. I'll always be the teacher and you'll always be the student.
Playa Flamingo, Costa Rica
I watched myself on TV for the first time. I mean people have been nice enough to send me Youtube videos before of my TV appearances, from Brasil to Italia, but I've never sat there and watched myself on TV.
It's never really been a big deal to me. Of course it's cool to see yourself on Youtube, and it was cool seeing the replays and such. It just never feels real on the computer. That's the same place where I watch hentai.
Two nights ago was different. I'd never been walking through a living room of mine and had a friend go "yo you're on TV." Angel was sitting there with the Guitar Hero controller long forgotten. Then there I was, my sick pale form hidden under a black button-up and black Prada shades.
I'd never been able to tell anyone "hey check out this channel I'm on TV."
I grabbed a Kirin beer out of the fridge.
It was weird. I could remember everything I was feeling this tournament. I had a virus or something the whole time, something very close to the flu. I had everything from constipation for two days to diarrhea on the day before the final table. I had a fever. I coughed and wheezed all night and never got more than three hours of sleep. My 200 euro a night room didn't come with a hot shower, according to the rudest receptionist in Italy (and you're going for a title if you're going for that one). Yet I looked like just some moody guy.
I'm never wearing sunglasses again. I'd never seen what I looked like without them. Holy shit I look like a crackhead. I didn't even know what the hell I had, I looked how I always feel...completely engulfed in thought about the most small things. I could've had a set there and had the same face...its my face when I'm wondering how the hell to proceed, I know that face when I make it. I think I do it always. But yeah, I'd feel uncomfortable around me, and people play way worse when I don't wear sunglasses, so I think they're coming off mostly for good now.
They cut out a really interesting hand between William and I that disappointed me. He raised pre and I had an interesting decision with like 40x and 7-7. Jason Mercier (OH FUCK CHECK OUT THAT NAME DROP!) and I both agreed on a call but I don't know what others would think, and I figured if it was on FoxSportsNet here I could send it to my buddies. The rest of the hand I think I played dead standard but I'd still like feedback. Oh well, I'll probably just write it up for an article one day.
The hand with Constant was on it of course. The EPT people must like me because they could've made me out to be a real prick. Not understanding Spanish it didn't seem that bad, but I didn't ask my girlfriend about what they said, and Angel was too busy falling off the couch laughing at my expression when the action went 50k, 115k, 1,300,000 lol.
That's the most frustrating thing to me. Any idiot who knows anything about tournament poker could look at that hand and understand Constant made a fucking retarded overbet that made no sense, and is absolutely guaranteed to show a negative expectation over time . On Foxsports though I'm the little bitch that folded to the big scary Dutch kid.
I had to move tables and I was a little frustrated not to get back at Constant, but Galic with chips is an ATM.
Guy opened from a 70+x stack. He made it 2.2x. I made it 6.1x from a 45x stack with 8-2o. He shows A-Q of diamonds to his friend behind him, and then mucks. 5-handed. Against me. On the EPT final table bubble.
Unfortunately two to the right of Galic was a gentlemen who online goes by the name of LarzLuzak. I've heard he can play a little. Guess which sap had him directly to his left?
I felt freed not having cameras at that table, but it wasn't like I was rattled on the TV table. I'd just never done it before. It felt weird, just these young ass punks like me and Altrum getting these lights and cameras. For a card game.
I guess I was a little weirded out by it, but I'm fine with how I played the Constant hand. I had a plan to 4bet the flop and most people with his hand would have allowed me to do that. In one hand fuck Constant, Assassinato's in town. 1.5 million in chips. Instead the kid just stumbles on the one line that gets him out.
He had -70% in the tournament. How was I supposed to know every chip he won was just a new marker for a debt he'd never be able to pay off?
When was the last time you heard a tidbit like that come up in a Foxports Net analysis of a hand? Yet it might have been the single most important strategy consideration missed by all of us when Constant won this tournament.
When I changed tables they said I was intimidated, and it was good I could get to another table. Uhhhh, not intimidated, but yeah sure. Well, Princessa was doing the announcing. Her and I just were fighting deep in the Super Tuesday the other night. We've said hi at tournaments before but when I lost my chat she asked for it back, as a Stars pro, so that was kind of nice. Of course, Stars chat nazis didn't like my proclamations to the rail that, "I had a nut flush draw and an overcard you stupid fuck." So yeah, just last night I got my chat back again.
My girlfriend called. "Baby why did you leave that table? You were winning." The only hand they had shown me play was the hand versus Constant.
I sipped my beer and watched the hole card camera show the world my dirty chewed up fingernails for the third time. They love how slow I squeeze, I guess.
It's so weird. I remember being in my buddy's garage on Casino road, walking past the crack addicts and hookers to get home, my backpack stuffed with Blockbuster and Fred Meyer applications. Shit, I got so good with that Utorrent, poor Chris's internet was always being choked by it. I got a bunch of the first EPTs on my computer, but they were all in German. I learned new words like "spieluhr" or however you spell it.
Four years ago. Just like if I'd gone to college. I'm glad I grew up there. That family was so good to me. Taught me a lot about what real love was in a family. They all had their problems, and me and my friend had a real falling out, but I'm glad I moved there and lived with them. To see how they could be happy with what they had, and hell still give to me. I've always wondered how in the hell I could ever repay them. I don't know if I ever could. I'll have to visit and ask the next time I'm in Seattle.
I had a lot of fun there. Renting out my first place, getting my first jobs, playing cards at night to supplement my income. You get to eat real authentic Mexican food from these big Mexican families. Everyone was poor but...it felt real, it felt like home. Not a bunch of people fronting to be rich and friends. You'd hear ten different languages walking around there. It was dirty as hell in some parts but I needed that. To get down to that pavement. I went pro about six months later, after working as a fisherman and a security guard.
I'm just so glad I had that because sitting in this mansion in Costa Rica watching an episode of me in Italy...it kind of hit me. Holy hell I made it. It's not even an EPT episode on my computer. It's on TV in Latin America. I've seen it in five other languages. I think they even have a Spaniard Spanish version.
And there's more coming. I'm all over two of the Kiev episodes from what I've heard. I had a bunch of chips and was in the mood to gamble. I think I played some fantastic poker and I'm interested to hear the analysis in English. I still haven't watched my EPT episodes in English.
So surreal.
I'm on my way to play more of them too. If I hit up the San Remo and Monte Carlo stretch I'll have played over half the EPTs this year, which kind of shocks me. I was on Chemist's money, then just my own, and now I have other investors. From huge makeup to huge profits to meeeehhhhhhhhh. I'm still doing more than all right but fuck this business is hard.
It doesn't really matter to me anymore, the money. Like it comes and goes. I work my ass off to make as much of it as possible but investing does not always go the way you planned, nor does business. It's the challenge that gets me. It's such a different part of my brain than when I am writing. It's so much more war-like. Yes, it's immature, but it pleases the male ego. I feel like a wolf hunting for my family when I'm out there. It's a way better feeling than "I'm out here to make more money to...uhhh....keep being a degenerate?"
I want to buy a house here. They're so cheap and this is my favorite country on Earth. I'm of course biased because the sanest hottest woman I've ever met I found here, and all my friends are here, but I really do love this place.
But yeah the landowning rights here are great for Americans as far as I know, and I want a place where I can move all my stuff from my Seattle storage, and just a place I can hang my hat on. I want it bought outright, or close to outright, when I get it so I can always go, "This is permanent. This is food and shelter for my family. This is what poker has done." I don't need anything huge, just somewhere comfortable. Just before I get out of poker I'd like to set up a base for the rest of my life.
But yeah, the money comes and goes when you're in business. I have all the faith in the world that my friends and I approach the industry correctly. What's more important to me now is knowing I have friends and family who'd be there for me no matter what. I of course never want to stop providing for them. My pride can't handle that. To just know someone would be there for you if tomorrow the dollar inflated to become worthless paper is nice. I can't say I've always had that.
Amazing what happens when you go to church, stop drinking, find a good woman and be faithful, treat your friends with dignity and respect (most of the time), jog 6 miles a morning, and eat only home cooked meals. Body, mind, soul, finally aligned.
You're going to hear from me a lot this year when it comes to poker. I am more focused and driven than I've ever been. I'm taking my baby girl with me too for this trip. She's a physical therapist, and she's going to align my back and everything before I go play every day.
We're taking a KLM flight from Panama to Amsterdam. I found some ridiculously cheap flights to Europe from Panama but a number of the cheap ones go through America, and apparently Naty needs a transit visa if she's going through. That shocked me. I'd heard that wasn't a problem. I've gone through Russia without a transit visa, and I assumed that would be the one that asked for it from me. Same with China. But whatever, sorry world, my country's had a stick up their ass for a long time now.
Also, Latinos have two last names? How the hell did I go my whole life without hearing about this? I always thought you guys were just weird about writing your middle name.
Okay I gotta book my smallest plane tickets and hotels today, the stuff I said I'd leave till today. I owe my investors money from a profit chop, didn't go through when I went to bed with my laptop, yey. I have to hit up a friend of mine for money. I have to buy into the EPTs with T$. I need to get the T$ for the buy-ins. I'm kind of dying too to put in one more creative writing session, a Spanish lesson, some HU cash, the Super Tuesday.
By the way, do not ever ever ever buy the packages with hotels. It's like $2,000 for 6 nights, which is cool if you like 5 star hotels, but if you just want something comfortable punch the address into Google maps and then go to Hotels.com for the city, go through all that, and then pick some favorite hotels and check with Google maps that they're within a pretty short taxi drive from your hotel. You'll save tens of thousands over the year if you do this. If you don't know if the taxis are safe in that country I've found www.wikitravel.com to be a great resource. Jaka and I've found we've had more interesting cultural experiences staying at smaller 3 star hotels, and it's waaaaay cheaper. If you go to the Four Seasons you're going to hang out with people who go to the Four Seasons. If you go to a place run by a local they'll show you where to hang out with the locals.
Okay I gotta go. Gotta go book everything, get one last jog in on the beach before I'm back in the freezing cold of Copenhagen. Can't wait to be out of here and destroying people on EPT broadcasts again, and if I lose just skipping out to Paris with my Queen. Life's all right right now.
Shugyo House Currently Playing (Click Here For Our Last.FM Page):
 | Devin the Dude – Anythang (Explicit Lyric LP Version) | Yesterday 10:12pm | |||
| Devin the Dude – Anythang (Explicit Lyric LP Version) | Yesterday 10:12pm | |||
 | Four Tet – And They All Look Broken Hearted | 8 Feb 3:32am | |||
 | Viro the Virus – The Streets | 7 Feb 11:47pm | |||
| Viro the Virus – Lift Your Mind | 7 Feb 11:36pm | |||
 | Disfear – Never Gonna Last | 7 Feb 10:10pm | |||
 |  | Yellowcard – Three Flights Up | 7 Feb 4:35am | ||
 | Xzibit – Paparazzi (Tribal Remix) | 7 Feb 4:30am | |||
 | Windchill – Ain't It Strange | 7 Feb 4:23am | |||
 | Weekend Players – Best Days of Our Lives | 7 Feb 4:18am | |||
 | Killswitch Engage – Reject Yourself | 7 Feb 3:57am | |||
 | Bob Dylan – Idiot Wind | 6 hours ago | |||
| Bob Dylan – You're a Big Girl Now | 6 hours ago | |||
| Bob Dylan – Simple Twist Of Fate | 6 hours ago | |||
| Bob Dylan – Tangled Up In Blue | 6 hours ago | |||
 | Glee Cast – Defying Gravity  | 6 hours ago | |||
 | Glee Cast – Lean On Me | 6 hours ago | |||
| Glee Cast – (You're) Having My Baby | 6 hours ago | |||
| Glee Cast – Defying Gravity | 8 hours ago | |||
 | The Society of Invisibles – got yourself a gun | 8 hours ago |
Sunday, February 7, 2010
This TraCk Is For The Weird Places
Genre: Experimental Electronic
Prescripción: Apply late at night, alone, when you need a revelation, a new thought,
Prescripción: Apply late at night, alone, when you need a revelation, a new thought,
a new hope, or to move on. If you don't feel anything be sure to find a pulse.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Tricked Up And Played Out
Playa Flamingo, Costa Rica
I just got some messages over the last few days that have bothered me and some people in my life. I guess I can't control everything, no matter how hard I try. It stresses me out to have people I love be hurt by others who have no business even talking to me or my people, but I can't control everything. I don't want to go into too much detail because this is petty bullshit, and like all people who try to screw with my life, I will just move on from it. I don't pay it attention because that what those kind of people need.
I also saw a thread on Pocketfives that kind of fucked up my day. A guy was complaining I didn't get back to him about a lesson, which he totally has every right to be mad about, I'm just mad at myself for screwing up. I took over a ton of lessons on Pokerpwnage and had so many emails going in and out I needed people to get at me from time to time. I gave most of these people my personal email address and my skype. I've often done lessons the second somebody has reminded me on skype. It's like homework, I can't do it all the time, but when I have free time I want to punch it out just as much. I get paid to do it, its a good paycheck when I can't keep logging table hours. It helps me promote Pokerpwnage too, and most people seem to do noticeably better after I spend an hour yelling at them about what necessary homework they haven't done, and seriously review some MTT hands with them. I know how to talk hands, even if I don't do it on 2p2 or whatever, I can apply the Socratic method and figure out where you're at in your development and I can develop a lecture. I know what I'm doing. I'm not the fastest coach in the world but I do these for a lower price than normal just for Pokerpwnage and the good people behind it, and I pride myself on my work. It irks me I screwed this up and it got posted on a public forum. Jerry addresses complaints very well and runs a tight business and I don't like spoiling the image. I was on the road a lot before and it took me weeks and months to get back to people. I'm trying to get caught up now but its hard when I run a backing house, play full time myself, and still do some tour stops. I also have so many other projects going on now. I'm really loving life but I'm spread out now, and have so many more responsibilities, and it gets stressful. I don't have all the time in the world. I'm not on demand 24/7, that's not how it works, but I'm not an asshole and if you keep trying to work with me I will get it done. It just gets frustrating when every day you have a billion things to do and you forget one and it blows up in your face like this, ugh.
I also had a big misunderstanding with a horse. I thought one of my own guys was doing something that's a huge no-no in the backing business but he wasn't, but I was wiling out before I got a dated Skype message late and realized what was going on. I still have some problems with crap going on around me business wise but that isn't for this blog. I'm happy now. I cut most of the fakes and liars months back and have been pretty luck since then in regards to how smoothly business has gone. Financially we're stop-and-go, and we've all run pretty bad in some key spots. I'm just so close to making it go.
But okay, happier things. I hate it when crap is bugging me when I should be having such a good time now. It seems so lame to focus on what's bugging me.
Just some serious things I can't really write about. Sigh. The soap opera never ends. All people become dogs when it comes to drugs, sex, and money, and I'm fucking sick of it. I have no patience anymore and I can't shut my mouth. I'm sick of people bringing drama into my life. Leave me alone, my god, what did I ever do to you?
I just focus on nothing is hurt in my life. I have a ton of money invested in my Shugyo guys but they're working their asses off and I've made a pretty secure battle plan. I don't drink anymore, or really goof off since I have a serious girlfriend now, and I'm just addicted to my work. Fortunately that provides me financial freedom most don't have, and I should just focus on how I'm so lucky and blessed to be able to fix things for my friends and family instead of freaking out about having the problems. Somebody somewhere would love to have my problems. But if I don't write and rationalize, and if I keep it all inside, I just self-destruct. I'm feeling way better lately and I'm not letting anyone screw with my equilibrium. That's a personal choice I'm not making anymore. I have a lot of responsibilities now with the people around me, and that's what makes me happy, so I gotta just accept the work that comes with that. It's much easier emotionally being single without anyone depending on you, but it's lonely as hell too. I'm done with all that I like what's going on now.
Yo kid believe in this,
I control my underworld,
Yes the demons and the evilness,
So when the smoke clears...
And the dust returns to dirt,
A dark silhouette is going to rise up from the earth
I control my underworld,
Yes the demons and the evilness,
So when the smoke clears...
And the dust returns to dirt,
A dark silhouette is going to rise up from the earth
Ten minutes of writing I'm mellow again.
That felt good. I feel sorted out.
The Super Tuesday final table was awesome...till heads up. I ran like God and also just crushed people. I ran so many bluffs that I'm pretty confident most people wouldn't attempt. My tournament theory is growing every day and I feel so good when I get to practice my craft at a serious final table. I blew up HU I admit that, but I just grinded getting there. I picked up so many chips. I never back down now, I have no fear now, and it just feels so good. It's taken me playing every day since I was 15 but at 22 I really do feel like a musician who thoroughly knows his instrument. I know when to hit every cord and my own insecurities and problems no longer hinder it. I'm in the zone.
Heads up was a nightmare because either the guy held over me/outplayed me worse than I've ever been outplayed/someone took over/the guy was card dead the first half the table and actually had some game/god who knows or cares?? Guy played really well and it's most likely he just had a really good run and I didn't hit nearly anything, and he played fantastic. I'm not alleging someone took over just the change in play was so swift I wouldn't be surprised. It could/way more likely be a killer player however and I would never be able to approve a take over occurred so f it. I like never had anything, and random some excellent bluff spots in my opinion, and this guy was either just a fucking stellar player who got what was going on or he just ran really well. Either way it was extremely frustrating when I was so close to a title I've wanted. Oh well, $50,000 is still a lot of money, and I made $70,000 over the last week. I am not complaining. I am on my game again and I feel excellent.
I just put my mind to it before and always got out. This time there's no hole to get out of. I can just progress. The fact a week ago I could write "you're going to see me at final tables" and to just pop off two decent scores in a week is still science fiction to me. There's a part of me that's very aware of how I am playing and how much I am learning, but another part that always thinks I don't get a single thing.
I am aware of the control I have over 99% of players now. I rarely feel like someone has a serious edge on me when I play any kind of Hold'em, and when I do I have no problem just quitting the bastard right away. I'm not in this for glory anymore. I see how it is.
Even when a guy can play ball with me I just feel like he's making it more difficult, he doesn't have an edge on me. I don't feel many of the top ranked Pocketfivers have an edge on me. I know who does, but they're not many. Menlo has outplayed me. Ansky has completely owned my soul. But 99% of these guys, yeah, I just want to show them up and outplay them. It's like hunting for the big kill.
But yeah there's a part of me that's not aware of any of that, that can't understand what's going on. Still. Ha. Strange.
I had to pick this blog up on Sunday morning. I'm just into playing right now. Working and writing and hanging out in the sun. It's harder for me to blog. I am trying to get a bunch of work done this week because I'm taking my girlfriend to Europe for Valentine's day. After that I'm playing the Copenhagen and Berlin EPTs. I'm really excited to play live again but getting in hours over there otherwise will be difficult. My girlfriend has college courses in a month, and a full-time job to go back to. This will probably be one of our only chances for a while to travel, and I want her to see what I do and everything. After this I won't be dying to travel much. I probably will do the IPO, San Remo, Monte Carlo stretch with my friends.
I really don't have any desire to return to Vegas or anything. I love the game, I don't always love the atmosphere around it. There's no ancient opera houses for me and my girl to check out in Vegas, there's no culture, there's so few good people who are even given a chance. Vegas and so many places just feel so fake. It's kind of lame (and yes somewhat hypocritical) how much the gambling scene sickens me now, but I love poker not the people who typically love poker. I love solving puzzles that involve psychology, money comes later. A lot of people around the poker world live as if taking money and symbols of status, no matter what the consequences, will free them. Their vibe just isn't me. I'm cherry picking the events and doing my own thing now, I don't have time for talking bad beats, catching up with people I don't give a shit about, and schmoozing. Let the other people be that. I just want to play cards in exotic cities against crazy opponents, just like when I was 16. I want to visit cool places when I feel like it, not be waking up in Dortmund at 6 PM to grind majors. I'm excited the arrangements I have now, and how much more I am looking forward to playing now that I only do an event every few months.
Okay I just had a few more tables pop up. I gotta go grind out this Sunday sesh. I want to pop off some more scores so I can chill more in Europe. My work feeds my leisure, which feeds my drive to work. I feel natural and balanced. I'm addicted again, but in a good way this time. I feel so healthy. I want to shine. I want to grind.
Shugyo House Currently Playing:
Recently Listened Tracks
 | | Bond – Highly Strung full track | 6 Feb 12:26am | ||
 | Dr. Dre – Nuthin but a G Thang | Yesterday 5:06am | |||
 | Snoop Dogg/Dr. dre – Still D.R.E. | Yesterday 5:02am | |||
| | Yellowcard – Three Flights Up full track | Yesterday 4:34am | ||
 | Xzibit – scandalous bitch | Yesterday 4:30am | |||
 | Xzibit – Paparazzi (Tribal Remix) | Yesterday 4:27am | |||
| Windchill – Ain't It Strange | Yesterday 4:19am | |||
| Weekend Players – Best Days of Our Lives | Yesterday 4:14am | |||
 | Thievery Corporation – Wires And Watchtowers (featuring Sista Pat) | Yesterday 4:09am | |||
| Thievery Corporation – Doors Of Perception (featuring Gunjan) | Yesterday 4:06am | |||
| | Thievery Corporation – Holographic Universe full track | Yesterday 4:02am | ||
 | t.A.T.u. – All the Things She Sad | Yesterday 3:57am | |||
| Killswitch Engage – Reject Yourself | Yesterday 3:52am | |||
 | Khoma – Hyenas | Yesterday 3:47am | |||
 | Judge Jules – It Feels So Good (original breakbeat mix) - Sonique | Yesterday 3:41am | |||
 | | Arch Enemy – Demonic Science | Yesterday 3:37am | ||
| | Arch Enemy – Silverwing full track | Yesterday 3:33am | ||
| | Arch Enemy – Pilgrim | Yesterday 3:28am |
I Relish The Fact You Hot Dogs Can't K-atch Up When I Cut The Mustard
Playa Flamingo, Costa Rica
I can't write much because I just started my Saturday session but just wanted to say a quick thank you to all you guys who came out and said good luck or sent me a congrats. Thanks for being such great fans of the game and supporting your online players. The fact some of you guys pass over baseball games on TV to watch me on Pokerstars is baffling to me, and when you shoot me notes saying "thank you for the fun final table!" or "congrats" it's just really encouraging and its crazy to me you guys take time out of your days to say hi to me. I can't write back to all of you but know I appreciate the positivity and encouragement in an industry largely devoid of it. You guys are the best.
I'll hit you guys with a longer blog tonight. Wish me luck today. I gotta ship myself some EPT packages and then book the tickets.
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